Published May 11, 2008
hmm.
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141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
This is quite simple, but one thing I think would make this infinitely better, is to take off the tags. i.e. "Sight, Sound, Touch, Smell, Taste." Then see if they can stand on their own and if the reader can identify which stanza belongs to each sense. But this does need some work. Use everyone else's suggestions. I'd say the same thing. Keep wiritng!
~Yoyo
It is to be fair unique but still you use a lot of cliches which weaken it. Love poems generally not a good idea until you can approach it with something new or rare to the table. I'm sorry to say this didn't seem all that great.
Overall: Read more poetry, it'll help.
Good luck
VSN
Very nice subject, and by editing this just a little bit you could have a great poem! I found one confusing part in the third stanza;
"Your warmth makes me aware."
Aware of what? I think you should explain it more or else, change the word. It seems you wrote "aware" just because it rhymes with "hair". It's a nice thought, that awareness, but we don't know what are you aware of. So maybe edit a little?
The flow could be better, too, especially in the second stanza.
Overall: Cute poem, nice subject, needs a bit editing perhaps. (as most of the poems)
PM me if you want any reviews or want to ask something!
Kindly,
Demeter
A nice theme and a fresh style.
But the poem doesn't flow too well.
A nice attempt nonetheless.