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Re: Love; Understated
I've one problem, never ever end a poem with the title, it's a big let down after such an amazing poem. Try and work out a better ending. But your ...
May 15, 2008 -
Re: Branding
Hmm, this is very navel-gazing. You do have nice imagery but don't really try and relate us to the poem, one way or another. Instead you tell us everything, rather ...
May 15, 2008 -
Re: The Magician
After much much thought, I realize I love this. It's very unique. Such uplifting and evocative imagery. The comparison you work are shown with such mastery of the english langauge. ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Future Stench
Hmm, I can't decide, this seems original but the theme isn't really. I can't decide whether I like it or what. You've a nice structure, very good, but it just ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: A Graphite Heart
Wow... wow... wow.... This is so incredibly original, I was skeptical about a story about a pencil being so amazing. You really captured it's soul. Really, I feel this would ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: My Ghost
Hmm, I'll ignore clicheness, this just seemed more like a song. A lot of this would be saved in song format. So my advice, rewrite this as a song format, ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Strangers
This is extremly original. You've a great idea, some problems you have is basic grammar, proof-read all work and read it out loud to see if the word is correct. ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: The Logarithm of Love
Uh... yeh, I'm too confused and have a headache now, because this poem in all it's uniqueness, just goes past me. I try and see something, but I feel only ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: They Come and They Go.
Agreed with Ami, this peice is very cliche ridden and just tells us, show not tell. Because if you show, you make use of the readers five senses, which washes ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Contemplations of a Tomboy
To be honest, I liked this. And I don't think the appearances are important in this case, I imagine Bree to be blond, a cheerleader, while Elthee probably someone who ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Frozen Trains
Unfortunately, you've a very bland writing style it just doesn't do it for me. It was only the end I really got interested. It was a very big shock. What ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Sweeter Music
Jig, it's an interesting idea, but you don't approach it that well. It bored me some bits, sadly. The use of music was orginal and I like how the villian ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Hell Remains
Hmm... this seems too vague and the use of big or strong words, only states 'look at me, look at me'. They don't fit the tone of the poem. You're ...
May 14, 2008 -
Re: Who You Are
This is *blinks* Too Preachy! You just go on and on, I saw some potential to begin, but you just keep repeating. It is as living said 'been there, read ...
May 13, 2008 -
Re: a poem for mothers day
Your casual forgetfulness of grammar, seems kinda insulting. It's not hard, other than that. This poem isn't amazing, but it would do for Mother Day. It just seems kinda same ...
May 13, 2008
