First completed poem since grade 7. Go ahead, rip it apart =)
“Log6 + Log8?”
This is our language
of cut threads and
slipped loops
and willing violation.
“Log48.”
“Lies.” Smiling
like he means it
Like he holds the world
within the capricious scope of his eyes
“Never with you.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
Those eyes again,
Laughing with an undercurrent of
Life and genius.
“1.68.”
These are his words
Turned mine on my lips
“What would you like in your salad today –
logarithms diced
Sliced
Rolled?”
These are his thoughts
stretching and pulling and leaping.
Always one step ahead –
just that one step
“So what does it mean?”
That you make me think like this
That you make the world round.
“Math is beauty, and beauty math – that is all ye know on this earth,
and all ye need to know.”
“And in numbers, truth?
The molecules and atoms and protons of this universe?”
“Numbers are logic.”
Bringing his face close to mine
So that the breath I breathe out
is air he breathes in.
Pause.
His lips a fraction away
from mine.
“3log316 = 9x-3?”
If you want to put mathematical equations, you have to make the numbers meaningful. Why log(48)? It's like you put a bunch of numbers from your textbook without thinking of what it all meant. For example, you can say, "log(0)" and have your next line be "impossible." Or something! You got to make it prettier, in anycase.
Uh... yeh, I'm too confused and have a headache now, because this poem in all it's uniqueness, just goes past me. I try and see something, but I feel only someone who does this maths would understand it. It's interesting and novel, but just confuse me so much.
Overall: I lose it all, doesn't make sense to me, nice try, but make it more clear next time.
Good luck
VSN
There's definitely something here... It's very unique, and you made math poetic, which I didn't event think possible. ^_^
But it was rather confusing. Perhaps that was intentional? I couldn't tell who was who in the conversation, which might have been a stylistic thing. And it seemed kind of random- a math/love poem. What's the connection here, between math and love? Is it simply about the contrast- math is beautiful because it's logical, love is beautiful because it's unpredictable?
Anyway, this was quite interesting, and well-done overall, especially considering you say you're not a poetry person. ^_^ Keep writing!
Not saying I'm a poetry expert or anything, but going off the pros of the business, so yeah.
I would focus more on the concrete. Showing us true blue images. Less feelings and whatnot. Counted 7 feelings words. As in truth and lies and all that crap. You should focus more on the concrete, and let the actual, physical stuff tell us the feelings, we can figure that out ourself. Or at least be concrete for most the poem and then float off into emotion and feeling so we have some sort of roadmap to base off of.
Thank you both for your reviews! Now that I think about it, this was really only written as a, "Logs piss me off, maybe they will piss me off less if I write about them?" I'll look out for what you pointed out and try to make the poem clearer/more meaningful.
I'm interested, certainly. Oh, Logs. How I am glad to be done with you! For now. *shakes fist at maths*
This is cute, but it has some issues. You're missing punctuation in a few places, which makes me wonder what you're saying.
I only say period because you capitalize the next line, but perhaps a comma should go there, and if so, lowercase L in "like".“Lies.” Smiling
like he means it [period?]
Like he holds the world
within the capricious scope of his eyes
“Never with you.”
Again you capitalize the line. It confuses me because in some places you don't capitalize at the start of a line and in other places you do. Either capitalize grammatically, or capitalize them all.These are his words
Turned mine on my lips
I love this line a lot, but I do not like that it is without a subject at the beginning. It sounds wrong. Why not start with "He brings his face..."Bringing his face close to mine
So that the breath I breathe out
is air he breathes in.
This was a good poem, but it was a very confusing structure. Is it about math? Science? Cooking with numbers? 
And also, try and bring the guy in my image. All I have is a mean face, but no details. Are his eyes complementing his personality or contrasting it? Is his smile more of a sneer or something like halfway to an amused chuckle?
It was a good try, but the confusing stuff made my head spin.
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