z

Young Writers Society



Strangers

by littledipper137


[pre]To Mock a Strangerbird

I know you
said the mockingbird
stirring up my mind.
I know you, but what is know?

I know my strangers:
Headlights flashing through fence breaks,
Blue-bright and aimless,
Sometimes glaring like sun off glass
They turn off on side-roads,
Toward me.

I know you:
Driving past my side-road post
Up to the stars,
Taillights flaring,
Not definite in your distance,
Not even sure if you are still here or there...
…I knew you.

The rain wordlessly drops
On the mockingbird’s wings.

I know of my friends.

All their colors are flying to different souths,
And the mockingbird is crying all cries,
Wheeling up, dancing around the storm,
Away from you:

The you in my scrapbook yearbooks;
The you who I cut off, for some inexplicable reason;
The you I love and will lose in unsure years;
You, the representation of my past.
This is what I see from the Dashboard.
I know this:

That every person will leave here
With completely different perspectives
Of this poem,
This country,
This race,
This life,
So go.
Learn of your friends
And meet your strangers;
The little girl who tries to catch smoke in her hand;
The business man who forgets his coat on the bus;
The hobo who drums on a bucket,
Watching you go past every morning and evening,
Counting your steps and
Holding out his heart for you to take.

Whoever your strangers may be,
If they’re you, or if they’re me,
You know them.
You know me?

It’s time to be honest now,
For the mockingbird to choose a
Destination.

Hi, my name is Shannon.
I don’t believe I know you.[/pre]


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181 Reviews


Points: 1564
Reviews: 181

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Fri May 16, 2008 12:49 pm
Gahks wrote a review...



I really like the use of the extended metaphor; highly effective. As Vernon says, the ending leaves the piece on exactly the right note.

One question: are there two speakers? If not, perhaps this could be made clearer.

I did enjoy reading this. Good work. 8/10




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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

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Thu May 15, 2008 6:30 am
littledipper137 says...



Thank you. Very much. Hey, I fixed some grammar issues. Let me know, anyone, if I missed some. I tend to go comma crazy when I write poetry. I don't know how I didn't see all of them, but I didn't. Hopefully it's better now.




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Points: 1823
Reviews: 665

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Wed May 14, 2008 9:01 am
deleted6 wrote a review...



This is extremly original. You've a great idea, some problems you have is basic grammar, proof-read all work and read it out loud to see if the word is correct. But way you approach it is interesting, you show us things, making us wonder what this is essentially about. It's a good way to confuse, this poem seems to plan this. Wonderful imagery and the execution really is amazing.

The use of personal voice also helps, and the ending, just seems the best. Your message in the poem is not to take people you don't know for granted. But way it is shown, really makes you wonder how many people you took for granted.

Overall: This poem is very beautiful and it earns a star.

Good luck
VSN





By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.
— Genesis 3:19