Hmm... this seems too vague and the use of big or strong words, only states 'look at me, look at me'. They don't fit the tone of the poem. You're telling us about something but about what I've no clue. Bit of advice, almost never write poreaching poems. They seem weak and contrived. Also this is so cliche, it brings nothing new to the whole genre. Really if your using a theme been told over and over again, instead try to be original.
Overall: Brad said it best, this just is too vague and tell the truth it's a very cliche peice.
Good luck
VSN
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