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Re: Him
If you wanted me to wonder why you posted this? ...You succeeded. If not, then all I can say is this. One, this is a typical of 'poor me' poetry. ...
Apr 25, 2008 -
Re: Dark Blood
it is incomplete but i will edit it as soon as i have more. [pre]INTRO When he turned he saw her. Face beaming. He could almost feel the pair of ...
Apr 24, 2008 -
Re: A Star's Testimony (Somewhat Edited)
From the title I was expecting a good poem. I won't lie, this has much potential if used. But you're main problem is you repeat I too much. It gets ...
Apr 24, 2008 -
Re: You make me want to...
Leja hit the nail on the head this poem gets much too trite and commericial. It appears to be some jaded Greeting Card with some cheap picture of a heart. ...
Apr 24, 2008 -
Re: First Kiss
This was pretty good, but you're consistent use of personal pronoun makes this peice too slow paced. My advice is to practice and read dream sequences. It seems that's your ...
Apr 24, 2008 -
Re: rain on roof tops[Updated]
You ever heard of spell check? Really! Now come on we're not gonna do it for ya. This seems very steroetypical, the maid and the girl. You have no real ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: Alone and Solo
Not the best poem. My main problem is it so abstract you leave the reader scratching their head in confusion. You've a great poem but too many ideas in this ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: So Long Ago
You lose the structure not to mention my intrest my forth stanza just goes on. Not to mention it's like whining. You just tell us continuelly. This is an angst, ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: A Ranger in the Night
Well even amazing writers mess up now and again. I'm sorry to say this happened for ya: Silence. All he ever heard. All he ever knew. And so, Silent He ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: The desperation of needing love
Glad to see I'm doing one good review today. The one problem is: so long ago, you know, and the glimmer's fallen from my eye. The rhyming here is only ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: I Compare You To The Moon
The moon will always symbolize this (Not a exellent hooks sounds like most lovers or whatever comparing there significant other to some amazing object) Because it reminds me of you, ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: I hate your love
Same old, same old. Yes I said it. This poem so typical. You use nothing orginal it's all about 'me'. You tell us all, never showing, never letting us see, ...
Apr 23, 2008 -
Re: The Deconstruction of Falling Stars
A lot of nice imagery but lost rather by some of annoying and stuttering rhyme. Whereas you have a wonderful idea making it full of rhyme makes it trite and ...
Apr 21, 2008 -
Re: High, My Demon
One way of looking at it. You keep the structure well throughout and don't bore with overdetail you keep the life and livliyness of poem with the dark and malevolent ...
Apr 21, 2008 -
Re: Lost in Freedom
Dance! with all your pent-up energy and laugh. Release! the pain that no one knows is there and smile. Rejoice! bathe in the sun’s rays and feel it’s warmth on ...
Apr 21, 2008
