the waves, they blow me out to sea,
21 years old, and youthful celebrations
burning up the nights, electric postings on TYWC,
or, at least, so I believed...
so long ago, you know,
and the glimmer's fallen from my eye.
Enthusiasm I believed could never die
has all but whithered, and then...
anyone who can promise a fix of meaning,
I'll take it, just to pretend
that I never forgot how to write my own life.
In a month, my tigress woman will be freed,
and I will wade out to shore,
miserable, as I should be, in the ocean of this truth,
daring to dream of you some more...
we're the only souls we've ever touched,
you and me, and me and you
and we see the connection of this intelligence
vivid hypercolors streaming through dreams,
washing our imaginations in watercolor streams...
I'm sick of looking, through the prism'ns of vanity,
wondering if our guard will ever collapse,
and you see me for who I be, I'll never ever forget.
Burning alone every night in the lights,
I lit your fire, while mine faded and left,
and your lights call to me
desperately
I'm dreaming, yoha, of you.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Glad to see I'm doing one good review today. The one problem is:
The rhyming here is only bit. I'd get rid of it here. It sounds a little to forced.
I love the way it written, I'm in the same boat my fiancee is in America, while I'm in Scotland. But this is really greatly written. I've suspicion you've spelt tigeress wrong. Yep you did. Also since it's a name you're giving her should be a capital
You do lose the capitals I notice, you better remedy that. Well you begin fine but by stanza three it's lost.
Overall: It's good to see a pretty original about this. I gave you a star and hope this helps.
Good luck
VSN