deleted6

Could you vague this up more, you tell us about three dogs, guessing all the same one, but you give us no real feeling since it's all told rather than ...

It's all well and good, but you tell us a place, which you could do it in less stanzas. Because overall it gets boring after a while, this couldn't stand ...

You're far too harsh, this was nothing short of great. Seriously I wasn't expecting David and Goliath. Some of it is worded awkwardly though: To stay at home within the ...

My main problem is you have a good structure going on then you go and ruin it by making the last stanza more lines. This not only ruins the goodness ...

Hmm, okay. You've a nice idea but some bits you force the rhyming so it makes little sense. I'll show: Waters fall from sky to ground, nourishing the trees they ...

Mizz, this is just too telly. You have an idea making us try to relate but what this comes off as is just someone trying to preach to the readers, ...

Song in My Head A simple tune Playing in my head Over and Over. From a song Written long ago The words just slipping out of my mouth. And as ...

This is very cliche... you bring nothing new to the idea pallet. It's really same-old same-old. You don't let us experience any of this feeling, you just tell us. This ...

Um... I didn't get this. You've great word choice but this really made no sense to me. So many ideas flung at you at once it's hard to totally understand. ...

Interesting, I've one problem with this poem. The second last stanza is beautoiful but doesn't really add anything to to this poem: They say that the flag of Israel has ...

You know repetition can emphasise but it can also whack you metaphorically on the head when you go overboard. Instead of repeating the same phrase use variety. Because people soon ...

Kinda creepy, seriously. I like how ya have some originality to this, but if ya didn't repeat the images and went for langauge techniques like metaphors or some others. More ...

I just wrote this at impulse. I've never written any poems before, please try to not to be hard on me. :) ___________________________________ These claws reach ever deeper, I don't ...

Not terribly original. But you pulled it quite well and not total nauseating. Maybe try and actually get some originality in this. It would strengthen the theme. Another thing put ...

Tis intresting. I feel no real problem with it. It's a nice metaphor and fairly original. The only nitpick is keep the rhyme or lose it. That's really all. Overall: ...