Published April 27, 2008
Stuck in a maze
Strapped in by thick, deep green vines
That won't release
No matter how much I beg and plead
Red, thin scratches coat my skin
From its rough surface
I know I've been through this before
Stuck between two pathways
Not able to see an exit
It seems there's no way out of it
Blocked in by two walls
When I finally find a solution
The one solution that works
I will laugh and wave goodbye to this place
Certain we'll never meet again
And it will laugh, giving me a glance
That says
"See you soon."
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141,418 Literary Works • 674,397 Reviews
I definitely like the imagery. I'm not sure I know a person who hasn't felt like this, but yeah I liked the idea of being stuck in a maze where you can't find the exit. Life is very similar to that sometimes...
I'm in agreement with most, the idea isn't terribly original but the vines are a good image especially when it comes to restrictions in everyday life.
Although I couldn't directly relate to it I can see the train of thought you were taking and with more practise, I reckon you can start churning out some good work.
Good luck.
WOW.
This was amazing!
From the title I thought it might just be another poem about breaking out - which I guess it could be.
But for me this poem reached deeper, even if it was only referring to everyday challenges. I could really relate to this poem - on so many levels.
The last line had me completly captured also.
Excellent. I really enjoyed it.
This is good. And it is not lyrics in my mind. I can really relate to this. I love the word choice, the condensing language...not bad for a new member.
I'm with everyone else on this, it was an okay poem. I think with a little more time, this would be a good piece.
Not terribly original. But you pulled it quite well and not total nauseating. Maybe try and actually get some originality in this. It would strengthen the theme. Another thing put the last bit in italics. Also please add in required puntuation so this flows better.
Overall: Just add in puntuation and put the last bit in italics. Nothing more to say about it.
Good luck
VSN
Honestly I think this is very nice.
Personally, for the flow of things, I'd have changed "Not able" to "Unable"
And "we'll" to "we will"
But thats just me, the way you have it is fine too.
I actually wrote a piece very similar to this; it spoke of vines pulling me into a pit. Funny comparison.
But it was fine, I guess. Seems more like lyrics to me than actual poetry, but who am I to judge?