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  • Novel / Chapter » Realistic, Teen Fiction Re: Things Fall Apart: Chapter Four: Move On, Please.

    Brilliant! It's like you just dropped the mic, giving me absolutely nothing to critique! You have broken the fourth wall again in the most brief, to-the-point way ever. You surprise ...

    Sep 3, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Realistic, Teen Fiction Re: Things Fall Apart: Chapter Three: Frey's First Day

    Here again! Right, I like how you have maintained the honest-to-goodness laugh out loud humour. You write in a way that makes laughter the only option! Love it. Your characterisation ...

    Sep 3, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Realistic, Teen Fiction Re: Things Fall Apart Chapter Two: Go-Time

    Hi RH! Another brief but very funny, enjoyable chapter! I can see that humour is the main theme in this story and that's hugely refreshing, especially since you're so good ...

    Sep 3, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Humor, Realistic Re: Better Things: Chapter One: The Way This Works

    Hello your RoyalHighness! During a chat around the YWS waterhole, someone brought my attention to your story, and I must say I'm not disappointed. Brilliant stuff. I love how you ...

    Sep 1, 2014
  • Short Story » Realistic, Other Re: Our Common Ritual

    I love this! Your use of metaphors between a high school gym class and a depraved society performing for a heartless goddess was on the mark. When I started reading ...

    Sep 1, 2014
  • Short Story » Teen Fiction, Dramatic Re: Devious

    Hi there! You had some pretty interesting ideas at the beginning, good interplay with the mother, but then I think things went a bit monotonous when Morgan went to the ...

    Aug 31, 2014
  • Poetry » General, General Re: Love Again

    Hi Anon! Perhaps I should start with a disclaimer that my background is prose, and I vowed to never review poetry again because I am not qualified. But here I ...

    Aug 31, 2014
  • Short Story » Dramatic, Fantasy Re: The Witch of Berwick Mountain!

    Hi there! You've got a classic fairytale plot here, with a moral at the end, and this was an interesting choice. The message that one must wait for love can ...

    Aug 31, 2014
  • Short Story » Dramatic, Other Re: A Drink With Bastards

    Oh wow, this ending was something else! For a moment I thought that the protagonist was going to get away... May I ask what inspired this story? Especially the ending? ...

    Aug 25, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, Action / Adventure Re: Truant: Chapter Seven (Part 2/3)

    Hi Traunt! I think I will focus on the other elements other than nitpicks. That escape from the dogs, specifically the ending, where Gus puts his life at risk was ...

    Aug 24, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, Teen Fiction Re: Truant: Chapter Seven (Part 1)

    Opportunities for Improvement Everything he said she did he told her to do , she was in full submission. She was never angry at him. Just needed better wording... A ...

    Aug 20, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Teen Fiction, Science Fiction Re: Truant: Chapter Six

    Back from my Truant review hiatus! Opportunities for improvement I suggest you replace anxiousness with "anxiety". I can't say why, it just feels more right. The one who shouted at ...

    Aug 20, 2014
  • Short Story » Narrative, Literature Re: Storybook Lovers

    I love this! I laughed and laughed! It is so clever and steamy and funny at the same time! I bet it's also exactly one hundred words right? ;-) You're ...

    Aug 19, 2014
  • Short Story » Realistic, Humor Re: Being A Writer

    This is so funny! And definitely relatable for writers! Every writer since the beginning of time has had unsatisfied readers, no matter how successful they become. Your analogy and metaphors ...

    Aug 19, 2014
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, Teen Fiction Re: Truant: Chapter Five

    I'm back like a panic attack! You have indeed shown a new layer to our characters in this chapter, especially the sisterly bond. Their missing father was the obvious common ...

    Aug 9, 2014


how can i live laugh love in these conditions
— Orion42