Written from a female point of view. Took me 2 weeks to write. Hope you spare 2 minutes to read.
My storybook lover is romantic, he would never hurry his sweetheart in a love scene, but tonight I want him to...
"Make love to me, darling. In one hundred words or less."
"Micro fiction?"
"Yes."
"Get your skirt off then."
I begin slowly undoing the buttons on my...
"Just do it, don't describe it."
"It has to be sexy."
"But you're using all the words up!"
"Don't shout at me."
"Sorry, sweetie."
Silence.
More silence.
"We've still got twenty words left."
"We could have a…"
"Sssh, no dialogue, no description."
"OK. Shall we?"
"Oh yes."
Mmm… one hundred words.
Perfect.
~
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well...this was a really interesting little story here, being a micro fic, this one manages to pack a surprising amount into it and its definitely quite a funny story with some really interesting things being used here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that makes for an interesting start at any rate...let's see where this one's headed, looks like maybe there's going to be a bit of fourth wall breaking in this one the way that this has started but then you never quite know...definitely seems like a really interesting piece of micro fiction at any rate.
Ooooh, yeah that does sound like its going to be fourth wall breaking and well I love stories especially if that plays into the humor of the story, so let's see, so far this seems to be fairly normal, and it looks like the characters here aren't intentionally breaking the fourth wall at any rate, it can almost be passed on as a coincidence that they're planning this out like a piece of micro fiction in what is also a piece of micro fiction...also...I hope that sentence was not too confusing.
Oh dear..well this is getting a tiny bit heated here...whoops did not quite expect to see that judging from the description...xD...but hmm...okay...let's see where this is headed and how my whole fourth wall theory that's way to complicated for a reasonable human being to understand stacks up here.
Hmm...well this looks like fourth wall breaking in full force to me here...them being aware that the words are being used up here...well, this is a really fun scene that you're building up here, sort of trying to convey the author's thoughts and struggles here as they're trying to construct this scene but then making it seem like the characters here are the ones trying to construct the scene, its a really interesting concept here.
Well...that's an understandable thing to say in a situation like that one...oh well, let's see how this ends I guess.
Alright well that was a bit of an ominous silence there for a moment, it almost feels like it was put there to be a little bit of filler for the hundred words there, it almost doesn't quite seem to belong with the rest of the story, at least that's how I see it.
Well the ending is quite fun at any rate, its definitely leaving everything implied and playing on that fourth wall breaking concept just a bit longer and well that's of course just as funny as always.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Well...not much for me to say down here, I've pretty much covered all the topics I wanted to..xD...well that's it for this time.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Velly clever
I don't really have critique for this, but I'll do my best.
First, just a technical issue, there probably should be an age rating on this. I understand it isn't graphic or anything, but just to be on the safe side.
The idea of a storybook lover is quite an amusing one, and it really is quite clever how you made the two aware and unaware of the words at the same time. I can see no fault in the piece regarding this.
Just the tiniest thing, I disagree with the comma before sweetie. But you probably disagree with me disagreeing, so...
Anyways,
Yours in reviewing,
The Fiend.
Goodness! I was expecting something a lot longer, but I'm pleasantly surprised. I laughed while reading this, and I'm still smiling. This is probably the best minimalist writing I've read in a long time. I wonder if you have more...
Okay then. I don't have anything to say.
Character: 10/10
Plot: 10/10
Execution: 10/10
Cry-factor: 10/10
Writing: 10/10
Overall: 10/10
Nothing compares to this beautifully thought out romance.
I love this! I laughed and laughed! It is so clever and steamy and funny at the same time! I bet it's also exactly one hundred words right?
You're a guy too, right? Good job nailing the female perspective of a love scene. It's a story version of a quickie I'm guessing *giggle*. I like how she is the one who requests a micro fiction evening, and he is the one to keep reminding her to keep it brief, that was funny, and you can almost get a sense of who these characters are in their relationship, even without a single description of them. Well done, you've got mad skills. Respect.
Thanks for linking me this work. I really loved it.
Thanks a ton.
An open letter to my country - India
Hope you like this!
D'aw. From the opening lines I knew I'm going to be a sucker for this against my will. xD Instead of reading to enjoy, I kept rereading some sentences and seeing if I can shrink them down to one or two words..
"Get your skirt off then." --> "Skirt. Off." :3
Spoiler
"We've still got twenty words left."--> "Twenty words."
etc
..but then it wouldn't be exactly one hundred words long and I really like how it turned out and ended. c:
It actually reminds of a line from this song: "Feelings are intense. // Words are trivial."
I like how this took you two weeks to write. It shows. So much is packed in so little words, and each sentence is thoughtfully considered. I think that what it doesn't show (no names, no descriptions, that ahhhh ending) makes it so excellent: I don't need to know about the colour of the eyes or how his breath feels on her cheek or whatever. God, I need to wipe off this silly grin.
Keep on writing!
Cheers,
Alpha
Hey Alpha, checkout my new essay :
An open letter to my country - India