chipsandguacamollie

Peace... such a precious commodity we take for granted far too often. We are the Dead Only those who know the hardships of war understand true peace. Short days ago, ...

When did I start feeling the weight of the world? When did the world get so cold? Why did I have to break your heart? To me, this line seems ...

MY ICARUS His wings of wax, Gilded gold and beautiful, but Cold to the touch and too soft. I should not have let him carry me. The sun baked my ...

Outside of Alamo, Nevada Area 51 April 15th Black military boots pounding on the white linoleum floor, General Fredrick Saloman flashed his pass to the guards before stepping through the ...

The sunshine breaking free I like this beginning. It brings the reader in. Of cloud cover And the moon gleaming On frosty ground. That’s what you were. The candle breaking ...

The Dance Your simple, white dress The comma here isn't necessary. Floats in and out As you twirl with your dance partner . Your delicate face, shifts slightly to form ...

Like the moon cannot rise until the sun has set, Decent beginning. A heart cannot mend until it has been broken. Because when a broken heart is all that you ...

What happened to the ball gowns? To the the dusty aging road? To the happy, healthy children? To the message sent in code? I think "messages" would sound better. Has ...

Back bent slightly This is a nice start. i like this stanza. By the weight of the world ; Hands always fisted Against life’s strong tolls . Tied up so ...

On the whole, I kind of like this poem. Its rhythm is strange, but it still seems to flow, in a simplistic way. However, you definitely need to add punctuation ...

I like the concept of this poem. It is interesting, and the way you wrote it is good. There are a few errors though. I changed around the line breaks ...

This poem has a good message, and is very straight forward. It is simple, but in a good way. Now for the critiques. - "tearful eyes fear within trembling souls ...

Ok, first off, welcome to YWS! Second, nice poem. it flows well and has a good concept. There are a few things that need fixing, though. - "It's the reason ...

This poem is very simple, but nice. Short and sweet. There are a few small, nit-picky problems though. At then end of the first line, put a comma instead of ...

This is good. I like the metaphor, because it is different, and I think you really made the comparison make sense. I have a few small critiques though. "as its ...