Hope you don't think it's too bad.
Feel free to rip to shreds!
-Y
The Olden Days
What happened to the ball gowns?
To the the dusty ageing road?
To the happy, healthy children?
To the message sent in code?
Has the peace gone by that quickly?
Are we being led astray?
I knew that time would change things,
But did they really mean this way?
Another day in wonder,
What the passing day will bring.
A birth, a death, an injury,
A wondrous, merry thing?
Have you seen the morning paper?
Have you watched the evening news?
Do you know just what goes on at night?
Or why detectives search for clues?
No crying, screaming people,
No cut, disabled child.
No bullets shot so freely,
Not like this modern wild.
Weren’t people much politer?
Didn’t strangers invite you in?
Wasn’t school more meaningful?
Wasn’t there less sin?
Remember penny candies?
When gas was twenty cents?
Remember ballroom dancing?
When we were dames and gents?
Yes, the olden days were better,
I’m sure you would agree.
For why dwell in present danger,
When you can live in fantasy?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hey you seem pretty smart, at least in this poem, do you think you could help me with something? In supposed to meet my friend somewhere but he always speaks in riddles and codes so I can never figure out where he want me to go. He always tells me 5 things (although according to him only the first 3 matter so I usually try to tune him out after that, otherwise my head gets all scrambled). Here's what he told me:
I fed my dog pears. I am still keeping tabs on her, but she seems fine.
Marie turned the page.
My mother will not stop staring at me; her gaze gives me chills.
...that's all I can remember. It sounds like utter nonsense to me but can you figure out where he wants me to meet him?
This is a good poem. It flows well, sticks to a rhyme scheme, and has an interesting point. I really like it. I'd just advise you fix the few mistakes I marked in bold, and this poem will be even better. I do agree J. C. Belding that the ending doesn't quite fit with the rest of the poem, but it's really not bad. Altogether, well done, and please, keep writing!
I really enjoyed your rhyming scheme, especially in your 4th and 5th stanzas. To me they captured the most meaning of the entire piece. I really don't have any suggestions except for your final stanza. The line "When you can live in fantasy?" doesn't seem to capture the full meaning of the poem. Its a good line, but not quite appropriate to finish the poem off with. Other than that great work!