Published March 12, 2009
So I wrote this a while ago. It was an assignment for an English class and we had to compare two different things using an extended metaphor. And as you can see from the title, I compared love and a morning shower, and then compared different characteristics of each to another throughout the poem.
Love is the steam of a morning shower
swelling in the surrounding warmth of air.
Its hug embraces my body with
a tickle of water particles.
The soothing mist lets me breathe
as its honesty lies on the skin it dissolves.
The trust of a tranquil setting
freshens my senses.
Sporadic goose bumps form
from this feeling of comfort,
safety
and home.
A contagious shiver swells;
It is the compassion pouring over me
and dripping
to my toes.
Its overwhelming joy clings to my skin
through the last breath of vaporized water.
It is always there
ready to wrap a warm blanket of affection
around my heart
washing away everything but
me at my finest.
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This is good. I like the metaphor, because it is different, and I think you really made the comparison make sense. I have a few small critiques though.
"as its honesty lies on the skin it dissolves. " This doesn't sound quite right. How about "lies on my skin and dissolves?" I think it would flow a bit better.
Also, I think the extra line between the last line and the rest of the poem is unnecessary. It would be better if you didn't have it.
Once again, nicely done!