Published April 16, 2009
The Dance
Your simple white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner
Your delicate face shifts slightly to form a small smile
Sending a tiny twinkle into your crystal blue eyes
Your soft angel blonde curls
Bounce off your shoulders
As you begin to trust your partner a little more
He grips you tighter
As the music changes, you pick up the pace
You gasp, quietly
As he tests the growing trust
And gentely lifts you off the ground
Your fairy like feet, point perfectly downwards
And your dress gracefully rests around your ankles
He catches your eye and your eyes lock
As he puts you down, he is extreemly careful
Your eyes remain locked
And the sparkle in your eye intencifies
As you have a silent conversatoin
He changes direction
And you continue to dance with him
He pulls you in tighter again
Your bodies come together and you move as one
As you trust eachother entirely
The sceen shifts in your eyes
But remains the same to any observers
As your simple white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner
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[quote="dancingclouds"]The Dance
Your simple, white dress
Floats in and out
As you twirl with your dance partner
Your delicate face, shifts slightly to form a small smile
Sending a tiny twinkle into your crystal blue eyes
Your soft, angel blonde curls
Bounce off your shoulders
As you begin to trust your partner a little more
He grips you tighter
As the music changes, you pick up the pace
when I read that it reminds me of an angel at the ball or an older version of goldy locks dancing with her prince i love the the imagery and repitition at the end and i don't think u need a comma after "your simple" but everything else is perfect.. this poem reminds me of a princess at a ball nice imagery and nxt u shudd put this in an narrative category
On the whole, I liked this poem. Even though the lines varied greatly in length and syllables, and it was free verse, you did it elegantly, and it always seemed to flow. There were several words you misspelled, which I edited in bold, and I also added some punctuation. At times, it was a bit redundant, like with the repetition of "eyes" in one stanza and the word "trust," but that's pretty minor. Great job! Once you edit the few minor errors, this will be all the more fantastic.