bubblewrapped

Yeah, OK. That's nice. As a reader, however, my first reaction is - so what? There are three things that would help improve this piece. 1. Punctuation. As I said ...

A wonderfully apropos theme, indeed :) Nitpicks: "Diety" should be "Deity," "sun-dile" is spelled "sundial" (hyphen optional?) and the second "king" in "King of Kings" should be capitalised. As to ...

Hellooo Mat, I decided to go with the prologue first this time, since it had the fewest crits XD. Let me see... Dan waddled through the house, calling out to ...

Long, cliche and kind of boring to read. To be honest, I kind of gave up after a few stanzas. If I were you, I'd take Cade and Ayra's advice ...

It's a nice little snippet, but it's lacking. I think you should develop this more. As it is, the reader is simply left with a puzzled smile. The girl in ...

I'm with Reakeda - not very inspired. I think the problem is that it's rather self-absorbed. This poem is all about you, you, you, and it's expressed in a manner ...

Mm. It was a haiku. I'm not a big fan of the form, although done well they can be breathtaking. I found this one a bit lacking in pizazz to ...

I actually really liked this. The stanzas were self-contained but related to one another nicely, and the overall transition through all the states of novelling was amusing and well-expressed. I ...

Jasmine Hart covered it pretty well, but I'll add my own two cents anyways. Your tone is perfect, and you've got the rhythm down. Unfortunately what stops this from being ...

On the one hand, I like this. The cynicism is nicely balanced and it's an interesting look at love. I particularly like your first stanza - a very strong intro ...

I agree with MadHatter. It was passable, but ultimately lacking in meaning and to be honest, rather repetitous. In my opinion, you really need to think about what it is ...

I second chocoholic. I find the whole thing rather matter-of-fact. Less emotion than a news story, even. If I were you, I'd take a step back and think about what ...

The best bits of this poem were: "In the middle of the night I dream of you touching me deep below the surface." because it's just so damn unique, and: ...

No offense or anything, but this didn't really fly for me. What is its purpose? What are you trying to say? What insight or novel perspective are you conveying to ...

My main issue with this (aside from the spelling and grammatical errors, which Audy has already gone over) is the fact that it is wearyingly cliche. It could come from ...