bubblewrapped

I agree with Phoebe - this poem is cluttered, and that detracts from its effectiveness. I sort of like the mock hymnal style, but reading it with a mental choir ...

Writers Block is a tricky topic to pull off without being cliched, and I will give you some points for originality. Overall, however, this poem fails insofar as it offers ...

The idea is interesting; a fresh slant on an old and rather cliched theme. Unfortunately, though you start out well, the quality deteriorates towards the end. I think it would ...

Ooh, Nate reviewed this :D Feel special, lol. I agree with what he says about proofreading; it's important before you post to make your work as error free as possible. ...

The idea of romance being "the same old story" is interesting and could lead to some fascinating places. Sadly, while you promise so much, you never actually go anywhere with ...

Mmm. As a poem, this does very little for me. The antiquated language obscures more than it clarifies, in my opinion. Perhaps you could work on that. Oh, and I ...

Was there a purpose to this poem at all? Because I'm not getting it. Yes, leaves can turn beautiful colours and yes, that can make a great topic for a ...

Frankly? This poem outstayed its welcome by about five stanzas. Nitpicks: "Its" in the second stanza should be "It's" "accuse" should be "excuse" "dieing" is spelled "dying" "unknowing" would read ...

Cade has it in a nutshell. All that's really left to add is, there's more to poetry than just getting bored and deciding to write some :D If you're really ...

Agreed, this was very cute :D Jasmine seems to have covered the errors and nitpicky things, so I'll just say an obligatory "awww, Penguins!" :D Happy New Year, ~bubbles

Hello again! Lest you think I'm picking on you, 'm actually just going through reviewing those poems in each forum which have less than three critiques XD As to the ...

Yes, as Jasmine said, I'd cut down on the use of "and" - not just in the last line, though. I think it's over-used throughout this poem. Over run" should ...

Wow. I really liked this - especially the second stanza. I think it was the "acrobat-fell" idea that really hooked me, though I'm not sure why. One little nitpick; I'd ...

The idea was good, but it could have been expressed more strongly. If I were you, I'd take the concept of "in the eye of the war" and perhaps build ...

I'm with Cade. This is a regurgitation of all the bad pop songs out there. Your sentiment is strong, your message interesting - but your execution is poor. I suggest ...