Tall trees rise up,
Atop the barren woodland floor.
Trees filled with life,
Trees filled with death.
Green, red and gold,
The colour of their leaves,
In the shifting moonlight
beneath the glimmering moon
Brown, red and yellow,
The colour of their leaves
In the drifting mists
Beneath the dreary moon
These are the colours of the leaves
Beneath the glistening moonlight.
These are the colours of the leaves
Beneath the drifting mists
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Was there a purpose to this poem at all? Because I'm not getting it.
Yes, leaves can turn beautiful colours and yes, that can make a great topic for a poem. Unfortuntely in this case it wasn't very well executed.
I think part of the problem here is you're too blunt and your descriptions are very...well, an interesting combination of prosaic and idealistic. On the one hand, you're telling us that the leaves are x, y and z and we already know this, so it's kind of boring. On the other hand, we have most of the poem devoted to describing the moon repeatedly as shimmering and glimmering and whatever.
Let me ask you, have you ever been in the forest at night? Because even when the moon is shining - perhaps especially when the moon is shining - it's kind of hard to make out the colour of the leaves. You might want to exchange "moon" for "sun".
Another issue I have is that a large part of the poem is redundant, and in a short poem like this that is not a good thing. The last verse, for example, merely summarizes what you've already said, and as such is pointless. You repeat the word "moon" too much - try something new.
My advice with this one is to start again. Get a photo or write a brief paragraph to describe what you want to show. Then brainstorm what this makes you think of, how it makes you feel, what it is about the colour of these particular leaves in this particular place that is so beautiful, etc. We want to hear your voice, to see what you see; we don't want generic descriptions of leaves in the moonlight that mean nothing to us. And most importantly - show, don't tell. Instead of informing us that the leaves were red, show us the sun glistening on their shiny backs and setting the tree on fire (not literally lol - but you get what I mean).
Good luck!
Cheers,
~bubbles
neat, I never realieved leaves could be put so beautifully in a peom, well done ^_^
It's beautiful!
I had trouble understanding what the trees symbolize, if anything. I may be reading too much into it. I like the homogeneity of the adjectives: "shifting," "drifting, "glimmering," and "glistening" go well together.