Weirdo

i dont want to be mean, but every one talks about that problem, but you should try to be a little bit differnet, the name is what struck me, but the poem, just is like every other

lulu

It's funny cause it's the horrible truth. I just have a few problems with yor flow.

I am a weirdo everyone says so.
I am a weirdo.
Everyone says so.
Because I make good grades I’m a teacher’s pet.
I get good grades
So I'm a teachers pet.
I like pink so I must be a prep.
I like pink.
I must be a prep.
I like black so I must be a Goth.
I like black.
I guess I am a goth.
I am weirdo everyone says so.
I am a weirdo.
Everyone says so.

I’m in the school band so I must be a geek.
I am in the school band.
So I must be a geek.
And hey I even like to read. What does that make me, a nerd?
And hey I like to read.
Does that make me a nerd.
I have long hair and like tie-dye shirts, so am I a hippie girl?
I have long hair.
And I like tie-dye shirts.
So am I a hippie?
I fall down stairs, crash into things and inanimate objects like to hit me so I must be a klutz.
I fall down stairs.
Crashinto things.
And inanimate objects hit me.
I am a klutz.

But what if I don’t want to be a social label, just want to be part of the human race?
But what if I don’t want to be a social label?
And I just want to be part of the human race?
What if I don’t care what you think and make my own decisions according to me?
What if I don’t care what you think?
And make my own decisions according to me?

It seems bubbles-my-dear has taken all my points, right out from under me--and before I could give them, too! Showing is always the best way to go about this, in poetry. Think about it--you can say one of two things: "I am cold," or "There was snow." Admittedly, neither is very clever, but that's not the point of this little exercise, now is it? The point is, the first tells the reader how you are feeling; it detaches them from the scene. "There was snow," however, would be more likely to put them into a scene they remember, where there was snow; they would know it's cold because of the snow's presence. Therefore, it is more powerful not just because it is more subtle and realistic, but also because it brings the reader into the poem.

Cheers.

I thout this was funny. lol. i loved it!

i totally agree. ever sence i started to be laybeled i just told people im a person,not a cereal. Your a smart girl,im glad that youdicided to make this point. plus you have quite a few different social labels in there too.

GREAT,FANTASTIC JOB!

It's a nice poem. I agree though, the rhythm in the second stanza and on are off, but over all pretty good.-Jeni

This is interesting. It gets your view across but I do think that you should work on it a bit more.


Keep writing

~ Loz

I really can't critique this because it's self-expression. But I like it and feel the same way, except I'm a boy.

The idea is interesting; a fresh slant on an old and rather cliched theme. Unfortunately, though you start out well, the quality deteriorates towards the end.

I think it would be more effective if you brought the "weirdo" label right through. It's never going to be a fantastic poem, as there's too much telling and not enough showing, but it would have more cohesion if you brought that into the rest of it. Also, try reading it out loud and experimenting with enjambments a little more. As it stands your line lengths are awkward and disrupt the flow.

Next time, try using a bit more imagery and fewer stereotypes

Cheers,
~bubbles

This is nice, and you make your point effectively. The first stanza is really great and to the point. Your rhythm goes a bit off after this stanza. I'd try reading it aloud to get a better sense of the rhythm.
I think the last two lines were too long and the last line...I'm not sure...I think it could be more powerful. Try not to tell us so directly.
Hope this helps.