biancarayne

First, thank you so much for your comment! :) I appreciate it a whole heck of a lot :) Well, the very first thing I have to say is that ...

~I'm sorry, I'd already read like a lot of this before I realized that it was so old...but I decided to keep going anyways :) And, thanks so much for ...

Firstly, I definitely did enjoy reading this and think it has a whole lot of potential still waiting to be tapped into it, so...excellent job! However, there are a couple ...

I don't know much about vilanelles- I think I've written maybe one once, but I don't know how they're supposed to be structured, so I can't give any help there. ...

This was definitely a very, very disturbing piece and the imagery was all pretty vivid. However, it was kind of hard to tell what this piece was supposed to be ...

“What were you thinking, putting those two together?! They’ll never complete the yakar!” Just a personal thing, you don't have to listen to at all...I just don't like exclamation points ...

Some spaces between paragraphs in the beginning. It doesn't bother me personally, but I know a lot of people on here don't like to comment unless there's double spaces between ...

To answer the questions: The part where Javier met the "girl" seemed to go by far too fast in my opinion, and didn't at all seem very realistic, for some ...

So, this definitely has some potentially to be a crazy engaging teen romantic kind of a thing, but right now it's a little untapped into. Everything does go by way ...

The story moves by way too fast, so that it feels like nothing gets developed as much as it should be and so nothing has as much of an impact ...

Right now, this is a good start because it's really easy to feel the emotion in this, but it's very raw and underdeveloped- I think this piece as a whole ...

So the characters did seem intriguing, certainly...but I don't much like the way you introduced them, telling all about them the way you did...maybe it's just my preference, but I ...

The idea was definitely a very, mystical one and had a lot of nice imagery- however, I don't much like the way it was written as far as each line ...

Ya- the thing about Puscha said about the format, I think it's like a rule here or whatever. Anyway, it definitely makes reading easier. Slotting her head through the noose ...

Well a title would definitely be nice to this ;) Very well-written and interesting, although judging by the way it ends there's more to this?? Nothing major needs to be ...