Published May 20, 2008
Tears of my own exhausted soul
Blood of my own broken heart,
The red on my hands
The black on my lips
My poison tongue
And deafened ears
my knuckles white
And eyes with fears
My empty mind
And hollow stride,
To slit a wrist of mortal flesh
With blood upon my breath
And wait until the veins run dry
To meet a seeking death
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Yeah, I thought so too. I wrote this a LONG time ago. I'm trying to start from the beginning of my writing to now (which will take forever, Over 200 poems) I would have to agree. 7th grade was a dark time for me. My most recent ones are quite different.
I like this poem... it's very dark, but yes it gets a little too cliche in parts... if you can find a way to put a new spin on it then it would be very good. You're punctuating is a little unclear, but I'm not sure how you intended it to be so I can't really say much on that. Overall it is a very dark and beautiful poem!
This was definitely a very, very disturbing piece and the imagery was all pretty vivid. However, it was kind of hard to tell what this piece was supposed to be about- it just seemed like one huge nightmare that wasn't really going anywhere. Also, some of the imagery was a little cliche- some of the images you used have been used a lot, ya know, so maybe you need to do something to somehow put a fresh spin on some of the overused imagery. I'm not sure, but I think this is a very nice start and even if I do think you can make it so much better, I still like it!