Published May 2, 2008
She dances in the silence of the night.
She’s full of beauty and she’s full of grace.
She’ll keep dancing until she sees daylight.
The moon’s resting low as the stars shine bright.
Midnight shadows caress her lovely face.
She dances in the silence of the night.
Her legs, tall and strong, take her into flight.
It seems she is gliding, soaring through space.
She’ll keep dancing until she sees daylight.
No one can tell her she’s not dancing right.
She’s alone, yet fulfilled with every trace.
She dances in the silence of the night.
Wrapped up in elegance, no one can spite
This angelic beauty, twirling in space.
She’ll keep dancing until she sees daylight.
She yearns to be loved, yet dances with fright,
Hiding behind silk and layers of lace.
She dances in the silence of the night.
She’ll keep dancing until she sees daylight.
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
This is really pretty! It painted wonderful pictures in my mind. I really like it, it's beautiful. This is my favorite line:
She yearns to be loved, yet dances with fright,
Hiding behind silk and layers of lace.
That's absolutely beautiful.
I really have nothing bad to say, except that it seems a bit choppy in the first stanza. Other than that it's amazing! Keep up the good work!
-Elise
I don't know much about vilanelles- I think I've written maybe one once, but I don't know how they're supposed to be structured, so I can't give any help there. The she's throughout the poem are kind of a little distracting-I mean, I like how not naming her gives her this air of mystery, but at the same time...it is a wee bit distracting, I think.
Good job with this though!
The line lengths at the beginning are a little too short I think...they're kind of too brief and don't do anything to add to like the imagery of her dancing in the moonlight. Maybe somehow make the lines flow into each other to match her dancing rather than the way it is now? Okay, so actually it's the line lengths throughout the entire poem...like, somehow it just throws off the rhythm, and it makes it read kind of like jolting-like instead of watching someone do a really, really beautiful dance. The line about, "She yearns to be loved, yet dances with fright," sounds kind of awkward and doesn't really match the mood in the rest of the poem.
I personally would love to see where you could go with this if you expanded on the, "No one can tell her she's not dancing right," line, because that would give this even more dimension, I think.
Otherwise, I definitely did enjoy this, and the imagery was very, very pretty and just soothing and joyful. I also agree with panic at the rodeo that this could most definitely work as lyrics and it would be an amazing piece. I hope that I've been somewhat helpful
Panic at the rodeo pinned it bullseye. Good rhyme scheme and the imagery speaks well. The she's are numerous but, when I think about it, they fit pretty well. A pattern like this can be hard for some people, so congratulations on that.
I read this the first time through and had to rethink my thoughts... this is meant to be sang right? a slow rock or soft pop would be my choice of music type. The "she" thing is a little too repetitive at the beginning.
This is a very pretty line! I really liked it! It had such a gentle touch to it.
1st stanza: too much she this she that... It makes the rhythm feel a little funny
2nd stanza:I like this stanza... especially the "midnight shadows caress her face" line
3rd stanza: the alone yet fulfilled with every trace doesn't make sense to me... but pretty stanza!
4th stanza: nice rhyming pattern in this one!
5th stanza: my personal favorite! the wording is beautiful!!
Overall: pretty poem, a little repetitive, but beautiful lines throughout!