Published October 7, 2007
I close my eyes to see,
To put a little extra,
Into the ordinary,
To see a spark of fariy dust,
On my Spanish test,
Or to see dragons in the sky,
Or mermaids in the sea,
I shut my eyes to see,
What about you?
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I liked this poem and think it has a lot of potential. One of the problems I for see is that you use the word "see" too many times. Try mixing it up, with words like "envision" or "view" or something like that. I also wouldn't put a comma after "extra" in the second line.
Happy writing!
COOL I HAVE REPLIES!!!!!!!!!
thanks for the comments and constructive critisim.
as for the spots behind your eyes thing i never even thought of it that way
and if you look at many of my future works you are going to see typos no doubt
But thats just me
The idea was definitely a very, mystical one and had a lot of nice imagery- however, I don't much like the way it was written as far as each line being with a capital letter and ending with a comma- you don't have to do poetry like that, in fact I think for every poem I've ever seen, this one included, you could do a lot mor eif you didn't capitilize each line and end with a comma. Oh yeah, and you had a wee bit of typo with "fairy"...Other than that, this definitely has some wonderful potential to it!
The idea was definitely a very, mystical one and had a lot of nice imagery- however, I don't much like the way it was written as far as each line being with a capital letter and ending with a comma- you don't have to do poetry like that, in fact I think for every poem I've ever seen, this one included, you could do a lot mor eif you didn't capitilize each line and end with a comma. Oh yeah, and you had a wee bit of typo with "fairy"...Other than that, this definitely has some wonderful potential to it!
Well, I didn't like the flow of this poem as it was very clunky and it seemed strained in some plaes, but that is my only complaint I believe. The imagery was really nice to read and I like how it was mystical and fantasy like. The concept behind it was also enjoyable and I interpretted it to be associated with the little lights people sometimes see when they close their eyes.
Nice and original.