-
Re: Astrias
Pretty good for a young writer such as yourself. This is pretty much a self contained story, and I like that; You could make more from it, or it could ...
Oct 26, 2014 -
Re: Keep Running
Are you planning on writing more? If so, I would suggest writing on another program such as Word or Celtx, that way you always have access to your work outside ...
Sep 30, 2014 -
Re: MechWarrior Chapter 1
Not bad dude, (or dudette). I enjoy the descriptions of the mechs, though I don't think you needed to quote "arms" so many times. I get that they're not human ...
Sep 30, 2014 -
Re: Limitation
Mmm. Ambiguous. I like it. Overdose Self explanatory, perhaps, or an overdose of a relationship. Becoming too attached, or involved. Silence Death? Or the falling out of a relationship. Locked ...
Sep 30, 2014 -
Re: What's So Great About Humans?
Hey there. Gotta say, your sentiment really resonates with me. A couple nitpicks: biasness. Not a word. You can use the word "bias" in any number of ways without having ...
Sep 30, 2014 -
Re: Premonition: Prologue and Chapter One
I'll start by saying wow. This is one of the best written pieces I've come across on here, and that's saying a lot. I can't say everything from the pacing, ...
Sep 30, 2014 -
Re: Mind Traps: Installment Two
Hey, another review here! This is a good continuation of the story. There's one thing I forgot to mention on the other review: They offered John 10,000 dollars to take ...
Aug 13, 2014 -
Re: Mind Traps: Installment One
Beans here, the prophecy has spoken. This is a unique one, I don't get to see a lot of stories concerning dreams or matters of the mind, so I found ...
Aug 13, 2014 -
Re: Salvation of Ignorance - Chapter 7.2: Not Ceased His Rampage
Hello! Beans here, with a healthy serving of beans I've been following the story a little bit, it's pretty good. As far as the story itself goes, there's not a ...
Aug 13, 2014 -
Re: Daughter of the living God
Good piece. The one thing I would fix is the redundancy in the first paragraph. It reads somewhat like a run-on sentence. Also, "They curl in the air and majestically ...
Aug 13, 2014 -
Re: the burden of aging
Quite the poignant piece, it says a lot about what we all grow through when we grow up, with youthful optimism and naivety slowly making way for the hard truths ...
Aug 13, 2014 -
Re: Angels - Prologue
I like it! I like it a lot! I feel like you could break this up a little. Your paragraphs are monolithic in their size, challenging me to climb them, ...
Aug 12, 2014 -
Re: Magic Survives- Prologue
Beans here. Hope you like lima. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this piece. To name a few things, a chapter need be about as long as feels ...
Aug 12, 2014 -
Re: The Boy in the Shadows: Chapter 1 (Revised)
Hello! Beans here, with a healthy serving of beans. Hope you're not allergic. I have a few nitpicks, hopefully they aren't too nitty or too picky. “What are you in ...
Aug 12, 2014 -
Re: Secrets of Suburbia: Skeletons, Addiction & Betrayal Chapter 1
Greetings! Beans here, with some beans. Hope you like beans. I like how the domestic abuse scene is juxtaposed with the rest of the piece, it sets an interesting tone ...
Aug 12, 2014
