What’s So Great about Humans?
BY: Paradox (KMB)
What’s so great about humans?
We kill each other every day.
We are so hateful,
Have so many differences.
We can’t even find common ground.
Sure we can fight together, but we are still apart.
Common enemy?
No.
Common problem.
Our enemy is ourselves,
Is the social construct known as race.
The rifts we’ve caused with wars and hate,
The racist terms, the discrimination against religion, the stereotypes, the bias.
The discrimination against woman.
There is no such thing as the dominant race.
We are all one race, the Human race.
So again I ask, what’s so great about humans?
What have we done to be called great?
We have not evolved so much from the animals.
At least their excuse is that there are different types of animals.
But there is only one type of human, so there should only be one type of race.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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To start with, I like the structure. Having one sentence per line really drives home the force and anger of the message. (Ironically, it almost reminds me of the beat of a war drum. Intentional or not, that adds another potential layer.)
The language use and structure of each line is very conversational. While this does help to reinforce the message, by creating personal involvement, I believe a few lines may have benefited from being structured slightly differently.
'But we are still apart' would, in my opinion at least, have been better as 'But still we are apart'. That would change the tone from the more casual one it is now to a more mature one that reminds the reader of a speech more. Because the aim (I assume?) of this poem is to inspire a political opinion, creating this stylistic link would help.
Last point is probably me being a bit nitpicky, but it would benefit from being broken up into stanzas. When a change in approach is made, 'there is no such thing as the dominant race/We are all one race, the Human race' for example, a break in the structure would help draw eyes to where the different major points of the piece are made.
Okay I'll do that, thanks for your review.
Hey there. Gotta say, your sentiment really resonates with me. A couple nitpicks:
Not a word. You can use the word "bias" in any number of ways without having to add a suffix.
Called what? Human? Not sure what you meant here.
Interesting fact: There's tons of infighting among animals of the same species as well. Mostly it comes down to territory, and availability of resources I.E. food, water, shelter.
Apply that to humans, and it's not much different. Why do we wage war? For territory, and resources (though I'm sure many will pass it off with other justifications). Only our food, water, and shelter has evolved into national security, economy, and energy resources. So yes, we're not much different from animals, as much as we'd like to think we are.
Thanks, I meant what have we done to be called great, like Alexander the Great. I'll change the bianess.