E - Everyone

Mind Traps: Installment Two

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Most of John’s time in the state was spent wandering aimlessly, searching for the vague truths that lay just out of sight. His painfully dull experiences were occasionally interrupted by the odd demon in his path or fiery blaze that erupted in his sights. Besides that, his wandering life was devoid of true interaction.

The sense of dullness had been a major truth until things began to change. It began with a flicker, a flicker of humanity that appeared before his startled eyes. A real human, a human who lived in the real world (he could sense it), appeared before him, and then disappeared moments later. It was a sign, he thought, that the state was breaking down around him. That he might return to his family.

Family had an odd meaning to him in the state. It was something he could remember slightly, but also seemed far out of reach. He knew he had a father, and he knew he had a brother, but beyond that simple recognition he could derive no further input as far as the relationship. Were they friends, did they hate each other? The question lingered in the air as he could not find an answer or a means to answer the question.

There were other questions he had, of course. How long had he been there featured prominently on his mind.

At this moment, he was simply walking. It was a favorite pastime of his, to simply walk. It was a beautiful motion and one he could enjoy even in the state. It did not take him long to encounter a few demons. It was odd for them to be present so near to one another, but he took it in stride. They hardly ever looked for a fight, and he had a silver knife if he needed to defend himself.

As he came closer and closer to the inevitable encounter that would involve much taunting on the part of the demons, he clenched his knife, just in case. It soon became apparent that he may have made the correct choice, as they edged towards him as he approached.

In an instant, they lunged at him in their humans forms, bearing crude hammers. The demons were not so adept at finding suitable weapons, but they could still harm him with what they had, even in the state.

The first demon attempted to bring down a heavy hammer on his head, and he slid out of the way and slashed at it quickly with his knife. It howled an angry cry, and the demons started blindly swinging at him. Although they could be quite devious and sharp when not fighting, once they started fighting, primal instinct ruled.

He did not bother parrying their blows, as it would serve to only harm him as the heavy hammers would likely destroy his blade. Instead, he swiftly dodged them until he found an opening. He thrust his knife into the openening, almost blindly, as he had to move out of the way to avoid a well-placed hammer blow. The knife entered one of the demon's skin, and it howled and disappeared in a blast of smoke.

The two demons, now realizing the loss of their partner, screamed even louder and swung even more violently. Now avoiding many different blows at different speeds, John leapt forward and took the initiative when they stopped swinging to cut the demon on the right, whose side was exposed. The knife easily pierced his skin, as it had been sharpened just that day, and that demon too disappeared. Silver was one of their greatest weaknesses. It had taken a very long time to find the correct knife for use on the demons, but after many failed tries, he had killed his first demon a long while ago.

The last demon, likely the cleverest, stopped swinging and too disappeared. Back to wherever they made their home, if they had a true home.

Panting from exhaustion, he held his knife out in front of himself as he continued down the road. a multiple demon encounter was such a rare occurrence, he felt compelled to hide in a cave until he felt the possibility of more danger had passed. Clearly, something was amiss.

The road he had been walking on suddenly turned into a river, a common occurrence, and he found himself drenched in warm water. Idly wondering why the water was warm, he pulled himself onto the banks of the newly made river.

The sky was purple at this moment, but at other times, it was green or even completely dark. There was no true sense of day and nighttime, but he sometimes felt there was a slight pattern to the whole affair.

He was shivering as he continued down the road. The scenery was not much to behold in the state. Trees suddenly hissed and became snakes, and the air sometimes vaguely smelled of alcohol. But all of those occurrences were normal.

Occasionally, he thought he saw another demon on the road, but they didn’t pay any attention to him.

“John!” a voice cried as he walked down the road. Perhaps he had missed something?

Thinking it to be a demon, he hastened his pace. He could sometimes avoid an encounter by ignoring the demon.

“Don’t run away from me! I’ve got words for you!” the demon said.

They always had “words”, which normally meant taunts about things in his earlier life he could hardly remember.

“If you want to get out, listen to me!” it screamed.

That was a new taunt, and he almost turned around, but he kept walking. Apparently, the demon became tired of his words being ignored, and he appeared before John, smiling. He had taken the body of an old man, with straggly white hair and a short beard.

“We’re breaking free, old boy.” The demon cooed. “We’re breaking free. We’re breaking free. We’re breaking free. Yes, we’re breaking free!”

“Why should I believe you?” John asked, hesitantly.

“Because I know things, Johnny boy. I know lots of things. Now come on, if you follow me, we’ll be getting out of here in no time.” The demon offered.

“No thanks.” John said, coldly turning away. It was never a good idea to take a demon’s offer.

“You’re not getting any younger! 22 and still an aimless fool. We can go places together. You can sense it, can’t you? We get to escape from this hellhole!” the demon insisted.

“I can’t believe anything you say.” John stated simply, walking away.

The demon didn’t stop him, but yelled, “Very well! You’re going to burn, old boy! Burn like your parents did, burn ‘em all. Burn like your brother! We skinned ‘em all, old boy, skinned ‘em all. It was good fun!”

John hastened his pace. He had sensed changes, as the demon said, but he wasn’t going to leave the state with a demon’s assistance. In his determination to escape from the demons' poisonous words, he had not noticed what he wandered upon. An empty, flat plain. Now that was something he hadn’t seen before.

Hesitantly, he took a step out onto the plain. It remained solid, and he carefully ventured out onto it. There was a chill in the air, and he thought he could hear voices. That’s when the little boy appeared with the red balloon appeared.

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
MissGangamash
Review

I like where this story is going. The way that the scenery constantly changes is rather unnerving but the way that John seems unfazed adds to the notion that he has been in the state for a very long time. So long it has become the norm.

I feel like some more descriptions could have been used for the demons that attacked him besides them just looking like humans. Male? Female? Old? Young?

What the demon said about his family was very interesting and I am left wondering if it is all just some game to send him crazy or there is some truth to it.

In the last couple of paragraphs, you used 'hastened his pace' quite a lot. I would advise you to think of another way to phrase it.

The last sentence doesn't make sense, you need to get rid of the first 'appeared'.

Other than that, you have created a very interesting world and it was enjoyable to read :)

User avatar
erilea
Review
erilea wrote a review · Fri Aug 15, 2014 2:05 am

Hello, Jared. I don't think we've seen each other. My name is wisegirl, and my friend here is writer. Say hi!

Only a (few) slight nitpick(s).

Here, you need to replace that comma with a question mark. This isn't very common, I hate to say, but it isn't. Might as well avoid it in the future. And also, those were tow questions, so "question" should be "questions", actually.

"Were they friends, did they hate each other? The question lingered in the air..."

And maybe, just maybe, if gigantic trees turned into garter snakes, wouldn't mortals notice? Like, kind of? If you mean the branches, you should mention that.

"Trees suddenly hissed and became snakes..."

Always express numbers written out.

"22 and still an aimless fool."

The ending, however scary the demon was, was so juvenile. I mean, really. A boy with a red balloon? You've gotta do better! Sorry if that was harsh. Thi was good, though, and I think it is better than others I have seen, keep writing!

-wisegirl22

I'm guessing "the boy with the bloody dagger" may have been better.

User avatar
beans
Review
beans wrote a review · Wed Aug 13, 2014 11:48 pm

Hey, another review here! This is a good continuation of the story. There's one thing I forgot to mention on the other review: They offered John 10,000 dollars to take part in this experiment? If you work a minimum wage job, you'll make twice that in a year. To me, 10,000 dollars would not be all that enticing just so I can spend three years in the hellhole that is my mind. Now, twenty eight million... that's a pretty good payout :)

Keep it up!

As far as the money goes, they didn't tell him they were trapping him in his mind. They lied and said they were doing a different study (I tried to allude to that, maybe I wasn't clear enough.)



october smells like being ten years old and not scared of anything
— dissonance