bcain

You have some very good points, Reichieru. I was reading YA books when i was 10 for crying out loud, but there are some YA authors I still read because ...

overall, i really liked it! great imagery, and i loved the line about a lover's sweet sweat. the only thing that sounded not so good was 'coaxed the last gasp'. ...

really good read! i especially liked 'rainbow painted dreams float softly heavenward' great job! :D

a very interesting piece. i like your rythmn, but agree that the last line needs something done to it. other than that, great!

I agree: this is great the way it is. I especially liked, 'Find for me my wick of truth, my center, my pool of yellow.' great job! :D

Not bad; I liked your second stanza, the wording flowed very nicely. :)

great imagery. i'm serious. i can't decide which lines i like best- they were all superb. keep it up!

i liked it that you kept the train of the girl's thoughts. i think this is better in first person, as third person would have detracted from the intimacy. great ...

I liked it. It was rather different, but that added to the tone of the story. mattie's right, you should post some more. great job. :)

great job. It all 'spills' together in keeping with the slow, sluggish tone throughout the poem. :)

I like it too. It's a little obvious why she got sent here, but if she thinks what she did was ok, then it's understandable that she'd talk about it. ...

ouch, thanks, ouch. don't worry, i'll revise. not to sound defensive, but i was trying to make it sound remote, i mean, are you going to care how you died, ...