Published March 30, 2005
There is a Land of Fantasy,
where war has been waged.
The dreams of people destroyed
through a darkened rage.
The swords have clashed,
and heroes collapse.
The final battle is soon to come
Just be sure to replenish your soul
Before you are doomed.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,303 Literary Works • 674,338 Reviews
This was pretty. It could use some length perhaps to make it cooler, but depending on what you want this to be like, this is good
There is a Land of Fantasy,
where war has been waged. ..........nice beginning
The dreams of people destroyed
through a darkened rage. ...............This is good but I think you should even out the syllables in this one to make it flow better. Perhaps you could word the first line differently so it has less syllables.
The swords have clashed,
and heroes collapse. ...........pretty good, though the rhyming is not the best
The final battle is soon to come
Just be sure to replenish your soul
Before you are doomed.
Eh, ending is ok. I think you need something more powerful 'cause the way it is, the ending is pretty dull.
This was a pretty good poem... keep writing
I thought it was pretty good.
I liked the second stanza
Not bad; I liked your second stanza, the wording flowed very nicely.
I thought this was a good peom. I liked the first stanza. Hee Hee!!
After I tore your other poem apart, I saw this one...Here goes....
First off, you used punctuation and stanzas and I congratulate you for it.
This was an okay beginning.
I think that destroyed is a better word for the end of the first line. No comma after broken though
This didn't seem to have as much of a purpose for me....
I don't like the word but in the second line. Here is what I would do...
The final battle is soon to come (I changed it around a bit)
Just be sure to replenish your soul
Before you are doomed.
Just an idea. All in all, it's better. It could be a bit longer and it couldve appealed to emotions a little more. Rewrite it and I will look at it. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't bad. But it definitly could've been a lot better.
-Nikki