Published March 31, 2005
Grim Reaper, Grim Reaper
If I touch your sheath will I bleed?
Grim Reaper, Grim Reaper
If I see your face will you have to do your dirty deed?
Grim Reaper, Grim Reaper
If I smell your breath will I sigh?
Grim Reaper, Grim Reaper
If I hear you coming will I die?
Oh, Grim Reaper, Grim Reaper just leave!!
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140,911 Literary Works • 673,730 Reviews
Hello!
Ok, well personally think that the rhythm is a bit off. Especially this part:
Also, there might be a coma here:
It sounds like the rhyming is a bit forced. (I do that all the time, and I know it’s kind of hard to correct.) Also, I don’t know if you’d like to do this, but you could add comas like this:
But you do whatever you want! I like the idea of this poem. If you want, you could go deeper into the fact that you want him to leave, and how scared you are.
Keep on writing!
-Y
a very interesting piece. i like your rythmn, but agree that the last line needs something done to it.
other than that, great!
I liked this for the most part. was really enjoying the rythm you had going in the first two stanzas, but the last line felt rather sharp and jarring. I'm not sure if that was what you were going for, but it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. I think it would help if you changed it to:
"Oh, Grim Reaper, Grim Reaper
Just leave!"
But that's just my opinion.
Overall I liked this. Keep up the good work.