babymagic18

“We was so soft yesterday.” Revise. You have a strong opening. Crazy that I'm reviewing someone that's made it to chapter 31 of any story. A lot of people I've ...

"To Ethan’s surprise," Why is it to his surprise? "Then he got out of the car," Revise. You have to put the other person's name or it doesn't make sense. ...

It's better not to open a story with weather as it's one of the fastest ways to lose a reader. The description of the houses wasn't very strong. I've read ...

So I didn't read through all of it as it was a lot. This is what I did review. You have a lot of run on sentences. "wind sends sand ...

So I didn't through all of it as this is a pretty big piece. This is what I got so far. A writing is best when not opened with the ...

You have a good opening paragraph. "Which was only a foot below." Omit. "a seat beside had a meal on it." Revise. "Her voice was raspy and quiet." Revise. "Her ...

So I didn't get through the entire story it was far too long for me. This is what I caught anyway. "He looked up, his eyes meeting a simple wooden ...

The first two sentences were a strong well written opening. When the main characters attention shifts to the cat it would have been nice to add in when they had ...

Okay, won't lie I am impressed with this. Your wording followed very well. I wasn't distracted by any of it or confused. You stayed to the flow of the story. ...

So I'm no poetry expert or anything of the such. I am though staunchy with fluidity. It was difficult getting into this piece. In the very first section "Old fake ...

I didn't feel as if the first paragraph was entirely needed. "My father had always taught me to pay attention to detail;" This would have been better say if you'd ...

First things first, the title. The "a" needs to be capitilized. The "d" in day needs to be capitilized. The "b" in beach needs to be capitilized. "The magical reddish ...

I was confused about the line "the feeling of a life growing inside you which will be your shield and sword against the treacherous world." The sentence of the husband ...

Not exactly sure how I'm supposed to make a 1,000 wrd review for this but I'll give it a shot. From what I've read you have quite the imagination. A ...

First Paragraph-Cut out "just surrounded by trees" Second Paragraph-Upon Francois entering the scene would be a good moment to put in the impression Musketeer's make on others. Such as the ...