ashleylee

Hey! First, I found this enjoyable. But before I start rambling, I'll start with the nit-picks so I don't get off track. These are the things I noticed: In order ...

I think everybody covered most of your mistakes above so I don't have anything to correct. But I do want to congragulate you on your creativity. This was so unique ...

I only noticed a few things: She fingered for a while with her book, lost in thought. This should be worded differently. She fingered the book for a while, lost ...

Nice work Kels. You did great on it. (as you do in all your work) I really like how you described everything and it was a good idea to make ...

Oh, I liked this! :) It was sadly romantic and very depressing. I can see the pain in this and you made this flow with ease, making it easy to ...

Oooo, this was good! I only saw a few things. "No Ellen." She tried to shrug him off, crying, but he held her back. I know Dan says this but ...

Hey I get to be your first review! Yeah me! Okay, back to reviewing, I liked this one better than the last one I read :) I don't know. It's ...

My opinion of this is that it was decent. You had an idea for this and you used to to get your point across and have your lesson learned. Which ...

Hey kels! I am your first critique so here it goes: The carriage we have begun this journey on slowly climbs up, and up. First, this sounds really awkward to ...

My only suggestion is that you try to describe things more. I think you move at too rapid a pace. You have an awesome plot here but how bluntly they ...

Good continuation of your last one. I think you did well but the only thing that confused is: Are they not human? I'm not really understanding that part. I know ...

I only noticed a few things: “Did you have?” she asked. Missed a word here I think...you should add fun after the word have . “Hey Adam,” called my friend ...

Okay, first, I want to make a point of that you kind of confused me in the beginning. You switched from the woman bathing in the ocean to a guy ...

You have a good start here. The only thing I think you could change would be to try and show us rather than tell us what is happening (if that ...

Well, I seem to find myself reacting the same way as I did to your first one. I don't know but you seriously have talent. Your descriptions...they are so SO ...