User avatar

antimelrose

  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: You aren't Pretty

    Hello! I agree with the others that the meter and the choice of words is quite nice. There are one or two places that feel slightly wooden, but a little ...

    Jan 21, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: My artifice

    This was an interesting piece of work, and my qualms about it are few. The first is just plain subjective: I don't think that "Friend" in the first stanza needs ...

    Jan 21, 2010
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Little

    Hello! This poem, overall, was decent. The first two stanzas were the weakest (in my opinion), but the latter two were much stronger. I liked the message as well as ...

    Jan 19, 2010
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Bedouin Song

    This was very good. I loved all the descriptions, and you did particularly well with the lines regarding the sounds of Bedouin life. Everything was so easy and fresh to ...

    Jan 18, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: House of Mirrors

    Well, it's unconventional for a poem. There's a handful of rough spots, but overall I like it. The setting is interesting, and you convey the sense of urgency quite nicely. ...

    Jan 18, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Thief of Roses

    All right, I'm not a huge fan of romantic poetry, so I'll be honest: this didn't particularly wow me. It had some okay moments, but the whole head–over–heels/infatuation beyond belief ...

    Jan 18, 2010
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: hispaniola

    There is a lonely quality to "hispaniola", and your interpretation of current events haunting; frangible, even. The second stanza leaves unsettling images in the mind; for me, the words "bleeding" ...

    Jan 17, 2010
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Don't cry, love.

    Hello! Yes, as Nate said, your choice of punctuation/font is a little messy, and it does detract a bit from an otherwise interesting poem. There are places where a comma ...

    Jan 17, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: broken color

    Hello Juniper! You do quite beautifully with vocabulary and descriptions. However, when it came to stitching them together for the poem, some things held together; other parts unraveled. I love ...

    Jan 14, 2010
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: ode to an alienated lover

    Your use of language in this comes across as very well written, and the poem was engaging to read. Best of all, it didn't have a quality of being trite, ...

    Jan 12, 2010
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: War Stories

    Well, it has some good moments, but overall the way you constructed the sentences (in order to fulfill the rhyme) sometimes makes for a jolting effect. It would be good ...

    Jan 12, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: what can you see

    There was a sparse quality to it that I liked. Yes, the final stanza kind of tilted the whole thing on a slightly unflattering angle...but the lines I really enjoyed ...

    Jan 12, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: the banjoplayer (for Holly)

    Every time I see your name next to a work, I find myself afraid to click– what did the genius write this time? And I have never been disappointed. This ...

    Jan 11, 2010
  • Poetry » Dramatic, General Re: Death Clock

    Hello! Here's another review to add to your collection. "Death Clock" provided an interesting, if morbid read. The way you wrote it left some mystery to the reader: How could ...

    Jan 11, 2010
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Laugh at the World

    Hello! Thanks for sharing this with us. First off, the only grammatical misstep I see so far is the one in the second stanza where you seemed to have forgotten ...

    Jan 11, 2010


The shame of being a man - is there any better reason to write?
— Gilles Deleuze