Laugh at the World

I get this poem, but to be brutally honest, I think it is extremely whiny. Oh poor me, no one cares about me! Instead of complaining, infuse this poem with some real emotion other than self-pity. We can all relate to this poem, but we don't like to because it makes us all seem so self-absorbed. If you put in some emotion, it will make it much more relateable. Hopefully this was helpful, but if not, feel free to PM me with questions or if you need more help. Keep writing!

Hi Kate! Sorry, I've only scanned through the other reviews, so sorry if I repeat anything <.< Anyway, I'm Kat!

The biggest issue I found in this, was that it was very... forgetful, I guess. Except for the last stanza, where I think it was more realistic, more poetic... hum, better xD Anyway, this is a very used theme, the 'no one cares, they laugh at me, I'm alone' kind of thing. And to people to really connect and like it, something new has to be brought to it. My best advice is to take another read, and think of ways to spice it up a bit

Questions? PM me. Thanks for posting!
- Kat

Hello! Thanks for sharing this with us.

First off, the only grammatical misstep I see so far is the one in the second stanza where you seemed to have forgotten "cares".

After that, it gets more subjective. The thoughts you convey are honest, but also rather caustic. I personally feel the work is hard to identify with solely due to the bitter nature of the poem–it is not the acidity I object to, but rather the lack of something (grace? hope? love?) that could juxtapose against the anger.

That's all. Thanks again,

–antimelrose

Thanks everyone! I truly appreciate all of your comments. I will go back and try to spruce it up, keeping in mind what everyone has said. I am still very new at writing poetry, and I seem to have to work at it a lot more than I do writing stories. But, thank you for the encouragement! I will continue to work on it.

Hi there, wonderingkate. I'm Conrad Rice, and I'll be your reviewer for today.

This is an interesting poem. You've got a very nice framework here, but I think that this poem is a bit too simple. Consider spicing it up with a bit more description. As it is, it's a little boring. A bit of imagery thrown into this will make it quite better.

It's a good start, don't get me wrong. I just think that you need to make it a bit more interesting and eliminate the blandness that's here. Send me a PM if you have any questions or comments.

Good job, and good luck.

-Conrad Rice

Maybe my head is screwed on backwards, but I totally get this.
The narrator is talking directly to us, right? And then he's telling us about his woes. From that perspective, it seemed to make a lot of sense. And the rhythm made sense to me, at least in the fact that the first two stanzas seemed to follow the same pattern, and the third is purposefully differentiating.
All that aside, this poem wasn't really my favorite.
I just felt like the themes encased here have been better worded elsewhere. Don't let that discourage you, though. It was still a pretty solid piece of poetry.
Good luck and keep writing,
Empress

Hey Kate! Look! I'm reviewing a poem! Okay, so this confused me a bit. Like Knightley, I didn't really get what the narrator was talking about! The narrator seemed to wander and the narrator didn't really have any distinctive voice. Plus, the rhythm really messed me up! I think you have some good ideas here, but I think you need to work on focusing your poem and rather than letting it wander from line to line, make it flow from line to line. Read it aloud and use that imagery and poetic device you're learning, and I think this will improve marvelously! Right now it just seems pretty thin.

Keep writing, hon! And PM me if you have any questions!

Hi, Kate! I kind of get where you're going with this, but I'm not sure if the narrator is talking about him/herself or about someone else. You start off making it sound like someone else, but then you say "who cares what I think?" and it got confusing. You might want to clear that up a bit. Also, you seem to be missing a word here:

Who what I think?