Xena

ah written well enough... huh but i dont know whats it about... characters seem cool... so its a ight intro.. and ill assume then the story goes on to bigger ...

ill tell you the second half was alot bette rthen the first... The wind started to blow and the rain pelted my skin like paintballs being shot at me. its ...

Ok im really glad i know her routine when she gets up, but rreally what does it do for me? not a damn thing... and the whole first person thing ...

yes your stuff flows nicely... though there was alot of description of the lady, it still came together clearly. except for the upside down sqaure tattoo thing, did not get ...

yes yes it flows pretty nicely but i really only read the prolughe and some of the story... a little nick nacks and patty wacks here and there but ill ...

yes sir... for starters its ok... for starters as in for starters... you know... nice characterization i guess... they kind of seem flimsy tho... like real weak and not scary... ...

So what actually happened here? I have no idea... these kids make me sick... huh... and i did not like how it wrote verbatem how kids, or atleast these kids ...

oooh the feel good story of the year! i love these things... i think you could have the girl then have an imaginary friend, like an eliphant cross dresser or ...

hey well i think there is alot of diologe that really made it longer than it should of been... like some of its good and keeps the story moving, but ...

yes written smoothly, but the part where you say she hissed, sounding very pissed off... i think you could just delete the sounding very pissed off... yoru telling us something ...

I dont know... yea it was a lot of description... and i do my share of describing... but it all just said the same thing. not that all of it ...

You got some real good stuff here... but that guys review up there has some good points... along with some real stupid ones! no im kidding... kinda... first off i ...

FATE has the look of an angel, having pure white hair, flowing down to his shoulders, and angelic wings sprouting out of his back. He is dressed in a black ...

I dont know exactuly what happend.. i was just watching disneys the robots... and then when i rad this i thought this these two were robots... and so this girl ...

max... youre out of your mind... and yes they should be lyrics.. perhaps for the joanas brothers new hot single.. your lovin is the cure... from their debut album, "you ...