Vampy_Girl15

Yeah, I've had that problem a lot with this poem. She's supposed to be giving into death... I've have gotten a lot of different reactions to this. Most think it's ...

Oh, wow. Thanks. I wasn't expecting a lot of people to look at it. :) I'll look over it and apply your critiques. I'm doing a rewrite of the other ...

Okay let's get the nitpicking out of the way. When I left his appartment it wasn't good . He was crying just as much as me. That should be 2 ...

The only thing I saw was lack of punctuation. You need punctuation! Otherwise I really liked this, it flows well. It's also very sad but sweet at the same time. ...

I liked this a lot. I actually started to sing it in my head. [Which I don't do often.] I disagree with tennisprincess though. With a band it wouldn't need ...

I liked this a lot. I love how you discribed what the love he felt towards her was like. I hope you post more on this; I'd really like to ...

Well, is this the prologue? If so I think it would be a bit too revealing. If it's the first chapter I think you should add more. I think this ...

I agree. This is a good concept but it doesn't flow very well. Maybe add some more descriptive words. Maybe think of renaming it. Very good, keep writing! ~Rachael

Wow. This has a lot of passion behind it. I did really see any major mistakes. I like that this is emotional. Keep writing. ~Rachael

I love this! It's amazing. Have you thought of publishing it? Keep writing! ~Rachael

Well Sela was right about some of the punctuation, and a few words were misspelled. Over all I liked the idea, and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing! ...

Wow, it's great. I loved it. It kind of shocked me... Medusa mentioned the only mistakes I saw. very good job. :D Keep writing! ~Rachael

Thanks so much! I'll apply your critiques. Yeah, I know that there are a lot of mistakes. I forgot to save it when I revised, sorry. The rest will be ...

Oh yay! Tension, I love it! Cameron is NOT happy with Ryder. I like that you added him in. It gives the story even more spice to it! All that ...

I know it sounds like them. I've rewritten this. Thanks for the critique though. You should read the rewrite I think it's a little better.