Painting Memories (Poem)

by zeppy♥yozora
  • April 16, 2008
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic
  • Poems
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I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind.
An artists painting of the family and friends I left behind,
But now the picture is starting to fade.
All the once brilliant colors becoming the same dark shade.
The colors of my memory once sparkled like a crystal light fixture.
Perhaps I should go back and paint a new picture.

Comments & reviews · 5
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x-tears-x
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x-tears-x commented · Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:37 am

I love it

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Vampy_Girl15
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Vampy_Girl15 commented · Thu Apr 17, 2008 12:04 am

Wow, it's great. I loved it. It kind of shocked me... Medusa mentioned the only mistakes I saw. very good job. :D
Keep writing!

~Rachael

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WriterAddict12356
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WriterAddict12356 commented · Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:50 pm

It is beautiful...

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Medusa
Review
Medusa wrote a review · Wed Apr 16, 2008 11:39 pm

zeppy♥yozora wrote:I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind,
an artist's painting of the family and friends I left behind.
But now the picture is starting to fade.
All the once brilliant colors are becoming the same dark shade.
The colors of my memory once sparkled like a crystal light fixture.
Perhaps I should go back and paint a new picture.


A few grammer pricks. Overall, not bad, but not good. It's dry. It lacks a bit of spice. The repetition of "picture" is not necessary. In this case, I'd say it's a poem of all tell no show. Try this:

I used to have a memory like a picture in my mind
to
I once had a memory, a potrait, a landscape of the mind

Try elaboration, intricate details. Read alot of peotry and pick up neat phrases and cool words. Work, work, work.

Good luck!
Medusa.



I went to confront noisy neighbours, only to find the windows dark, stuck with two notes. The ghost, too, had "gone fishing". Something still whistled.
— Liminality