Published May 5, 2008
I know that you’re away for the now
But how
Do the Clouds
And the sky
Shield my complex affection for you
Yes it may not be for years
But I will see you
Once again
In heaven
After tears
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
Okay. Aussie speaking. I really liked this. It seemed a little choppy to me. I would flesh it out and add a bit more to make it more. . . alive. Imagery is always a plus. The classic show don't tell example. Take the reader inside your emotions more, don't just give us this little tantalizing peek at the inside world of this character and this romance. Don't give up on this poem; it's good and it works. Bravo, prana.
The only thing I saw was lack of punctuation. You need punctuation!
Otherwise I really liked this, it flows well. It's also very sad but sweet at the same time. Great job and welcome to YMS.
~Rachael
Hello,
I am just here you inform you that you need to do two reviews before posting your work on here. We like to keep a 2:1 ratio of reviews to posts, that way everyone gets a little feedback.
Good Luck
OverEasy