Be Free

by Vampy_Girl15

Published April 14, 2008

The wind blows sweetly.
Whipping my hair ‘round my eyes,
like a mask.

“Come to me” it calls breathlessly
whispering dark nothings in my ear.
It calls.

“Come to me be free, end it all”
Gently calling around me,
drying my tears.

I’m walking towards
the soft sweet voice.
It knows my name.

“Be free, come with me.
No more pain.
It ends”
Longingly, slowly I walk to the voice.

“Embrace me”
I stare into his eyes.
All goes black and numb.
I’m drifting, he whispers
“Be free”





*what do you honestly think?" :roll:

Comments & reviews · 8
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Radid
Review
Radid wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2009

It's quite confusing.I got an idea what the poetry was about in the third stanza.
by the way what does 'whispering dark nothings in my ear' mean.Your arrangement of the words were really good.For a first it was really good.
Good poetry.Didn't get it that much but it was really good

*writewatiwant* wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2009

hum... seriously? no one got what it was about?
i saw it coming from the third stanza. In the end, she gives in to death right? At least that was I got out of it... Really nice. Nice flow. Nice wording.
For your fist poem written, this is good.
keep writing!

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ana_is_a_banana
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ana_is_a_banana commented Comment · Jan 18, 2009

This is a great poem! I love it but it could flow a little better near the beggining

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Vampy_Girl15
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Vampy_Girl15 commented Comment · Jan 18, 2009

Yeah, I've had that problem a lot with this poem.
She's supposed to be giving into death...
I've have gotten a lot of different reactions to this. Most think it's about sex.
Thanks for all of your critiques though. :)

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white desert
Review
white desert wrote a review Review · Apr 15, 2008

it was pretty good, but I'm confused. is it the wind, or a guy talking to you? And is it about love and death, or seeing something for the first time truly? keep writing, just try something a little simpler, less confusing. :P

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x-tears-x
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x-tears-x commented Comment · Apr 14, 2008

I dont completely get it but a nice read all the same. :D

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Maki-Chan
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Maki-Chan commented Comment · Apr 14, 2008

not bad, but it doesn't really make to me. What is it about?



I tell the neophyte: Write a million words–the absolute best you can write, then throw it all away and bravely turn your back on what you have written. At that point, you’re ready to begin.
— David Eddings