Toboldlygo

That makes more sense. :) I saw "Entry 1 of 5" and assumed it was a five part story.

Thank you so much! I actually hadn't intended it to even be two parts, it was a story for a baby that I broke up to put onto YWS. I ...

Thank you so much! I'll go over it and apply what you said :)

haha yes it is :)

Great! I could also see it being a really unsatisfying ending to the story entirely, which was mainly why I suggested that. :)

Will there be more chapters soon?

I see them now! I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes!

Oh my gosh! I am going to hope you are misremembering and they didn't actually do that! Anyway, it was a great poem, so well done. :)

Okay, so a more helpful review (I wanted to get it in before midnight to stay on Team Tortoise lol) Here are a couple places where you mixed tenses. I'm ...

It was great! I'd already read about half of them out of order so when I had the time I figured I'd better just sit down and read it all ...

Yeah, I found time and read them all in order haha. I do think it helped some later on, although I am now watching this relationship with interest to see ...

Cool, that makes more sense now. Great chapter, looking forward to the next :)

Anytime :)

Sorry for the double comment, not sure what happened...

Hey there! Toboldlygo here for a review! Let's get this piece out of the Green Room, shall we? First of all, I love that you have a summary of the ...