Thirst_23

Ok, I don't have many point to point grammatical concerns, but this is way too short. Each scene may be needed, but each of them needs to be much, much ...

This is really good. My one comment is about some sentence structure. "It seems so long ago that I had been sitting in my house mending dresses and stockings and ...

Good stuff, but I think you could study Rowling's writing style a little better. It'd be more interesting of you tried to think more about the voices the characters already ...

Ok, I can barely make heads or tails of this. Many of the paragraphs are so long I can't begin to take it apart. In the last paragraph, you have ...

Oh, my goodness, Meadow, that was amazing. And no, I don't think you did ever change the Horseman's name, but I might be so late, you did and already changed ...

It's good. Keep them coming. Just a few reminders; You get repetive with your word choice a little too often. And, I'm not certain I understand the....fascination with Kiki's breasts. ...

This was well thought out, but you need to go back and reread more outloud. It's amazing how things sound different in your hand than they wind up on paper. ...

Dracula sucked. Boooring. Pork I admit, late 19th century doesn't translate well. still rocks, and hey, he's the father of all modern day vampires, the great-grandady of them all. Sigh...of ...

Hi, TinkerJessica. I just thought I'd let you know that you're not supposed to bump threads on this site. Also, they ask you to read other peoples stuff more than ...

I am a fan as well. You use a lot of the same words over and over again. I recommend getting a good thesaurus. For instance, in describing the uncle's ...

Wait, so their ants? Ok, I get it. What was the "cave?" you might want to clear that up at the end a little bit more. And I like the ...

Greatly improved from the first chapter. The characters were deeper, and I did a double take when I read about Pink's "special needs." Please give the dead girl a name. ...

This is a good foundation to build on. I recomend two things. Nothing brings out awkwardness like READING the story aloud. What your fingers don't know about grammer, your ear ...

Rythm of sentences, like Ares mentioned, can do a lot. I think you're rythm is fin, just go back and read the whole alod. It's amazing how much you improve ...

Well, well, well. Another TwiFanfic. Now, I'm going to try and not be biased, because if there's one book I dislike above all else, or one author, it would be ...