READERS: Imagine Bella and Edward sitting on a couch in a cozy room. Bella is sitting on his lap facing him. There’s nobody in the room except them. It’s very, very dark and quiet except a nearby clock ticking.
*******************
Edward took my hand and gently squeezed.
“Isabella Marie Swan. I love you so much.” He whispered in my ear. His sweet breath tickled on my skin.
I leaned close to his ear, my cheek brushing against his. My skin tingled.
“How much?” I challenged.
He turned his head ever so slowly so his lips brushed against mine. I closed my eyes with pleasure.
Then he wrapped his arms around my lower back and buried his face in my shirt. For a moment, we sat like that. The clock nearby ticked with every passing second.
Suddenly Edward lifted his head and kissed my neck. I leaned forward to kiss him back but he held me with resistance.
I stared at him.
“Bella, “ He said. His voice sounded like he was in pain. “I love you. I want you to always remember that.”
Confused and a bit panicked, I wrapped my arms around his neck and this time buried my face into his shirt.
It smelled so wonderful.
“Edward,” I said. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
Silence.
I lifted my head. “Please?” I begged.
Edward stared at me for a second. Then his eyes dropped to where his fingers were nervously playing with the hem of my shirt.
I put my hand over his. “Edward, please.”
He hesitated for a second.
“I’m afraid of you leaving me.” He whispered it ever so softly that I almost didn’t hear. Almost didn’t.
I gasped, flinched and then winced, as if hit by a large stone. Tears welled in my eyes involuntarily.
Edward looked at me his face full of agony as if even saying the words were too painful for him.
“Edward,” I struggled to say, though my breathing was quickening and it was hard to breathe.
I shook my head “No, no, no!” And now the tears poured uncontrollably, like rain from the clouds.
Edward put both his hands on either side of my head. I sniffed and waited for him to say something. He didn’t.
My sadness quickly turned to anger. “Why would you even say that?” I said.
Silence again.
“Edward Anthony Cullen, “ I spat. “Don’t make me force it out of you.”
Once again, his eyes dropped to the hem of my shirt.
“Alice.”
This time I gasped, flinched, winced and clapped my hand to my mouth.
“You m-mean…she saw?”
“Yes.”
“No, ” I shook my head. It can’t be true. No. Never.
“No, “ I repeated. “It can’t be true. I’ll never let it happen. I would rather die.”
Edward looked at me. I almost cried when I saw pain in his eyes.
Now I put my hands on each side of his head. I closed my eyes thoughtfully. When I opened them again, Edward was still staring at me.
“Edward,” I said. “You are the reason I live. You are the reason I breathe, the reason I sleep. The reason I get up in the morning. You are the reason my heart beats. Without you, I am nothing. Do you understand? Nothing. I was put in the World for one purpose. You”
Edward winced. “Bella, don’t say that. How can you love me so much? How can anyone love me so much?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I put my face on his so my forehead was touching his. I closed my eyes.
My hands shook, but I didn’t remove them from Edward’ head.
I couldn’t see the clock in the room, as it was so dark but I knew Alice would be coming to pick us up soon.
And then I remembered a movie I seen 5 years ago. Without hesitating, I spoke.
“May my breath find shelter in your heart, “ I said. “May my life be destroyed in your love.”
Edward gasped and looked up.
I slowly put his hand on my heart. “I love you more than you know Edward. Please believe and never forget.”
A car honked outside. Alice was here.
**************
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139,567 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
That was really good.
I loved this. I especially loved the romantic aspect of it. You really showed her love for Edward and vice versa. I did spot one grammatical mistake though:
You need to put a comma after me and another one after agony. Otherwise, this was a really good fanfic. Definitely try and write more like this.
That's really good! You feel like your sitting in the room with them. It's amazing!
i liked this story. it sounded as if it was meyer writing it. you captured everything really nicely. good job. IT would seem kind of wierd if in any situation bella leaving edward for any reason but it was nice being able to read something that had that twilight feeling to it but kind of a backward reality or something
AH MAZING GR8 STORY REALLY TWILIGHT-Y
First i would like to say that, i like twilight, but do not love it-so there shouldn't be too much bias opinions, if none at all.
Anway, I like the emotions that you conveyed (although, somewhat overly sappy, even for twilight standards). I can clearly picture a majority of the things you described. I'm not too bid on grammar and spelling... but i didn't notice many things to be corrected.
Ummm... I did find myself skipping over some parts... it just seemed to get a little "dry" at some parts (my opinion ), but it was a pretty decent read.
I enjoyed this. I felt as if I were actually there, like I did while reading the novels. But the only thing that confuses me is why would Alice tell Edward that Bella was planning on leaving him if Bella already had her mind made up? I don't recall it working any different way in the books...
But again, I say this was good. Good work. =
I liked it. When i read this, I could actually feel Bella's hurt and Edwards fear.It was an amzing read. From the opening line I was into it. You've written an amazing story and I think many people will like it.
Wow, this was so amazing! I loved it! Keep on writing!
~*+Steph+*~
I really really really liked it! Nice writting! Would you continue it? I always wanted to read a different version of twilight, just to see what it was like. This is exactly what should've been in the book! THIS IS GREAT!!!!
How about say more than just "good job, no spelling errors." Honestly, if you don't like the book, why are reading FANfic.
I thought it was good. The emotions are defintily believable Edward and Bella. Try going even more in depth to them, though. One the most amazing things about Twilight is exactly HOW character driven it is. Give us more character. You're on the right track to a very believable and enjoyable fanfic.
And yes, no obvious spelling and grammer errors.
Good use of description, and portraying the feelings of all the characters present in the scene. Even thought it IS, after all, a fanfic, I think you could really go somewhere with the story line if you so choose to continue. If you do make another one you should put in Jasper (my fav. character)
Anyway, good job!
This was really good, because you totally captured the way that Stephanie Meyers writes. However, i think everything was a bit overdramatized, and that took away from the story a little. Other then that, its really good. A small problem is in the books and in this piece it is clear that Bella loves Edward above anything else in the world. she would never leave him. I guess maybe if she thought he didn't love her and so she decided to leave so he could move on, or something like that. I'll be interested to see what you come up with that part! Great job!
Saphirra
I really liked it! I agree with one of the other reviewers on how you did an exceptional job imitating the style of Twilight. To me, it was like reading something straight out of Twilight! Very good job, and I hope you continue your writings.
This is BRILLIANT.
You managed to write in Stephanie Meyer's style so well, I felt like it could actually be a part of the series. 
Lisa 
Keep up the good work!
Listening to: 'Always Getting Over You' by Angela Ammons. <biggrin>
Very, very, very nice.
Are you Stephnie Meyer, you sound a lot like her.
Any way, it's clear how I thought it sounded.
I never correct spelling or grammar because I'm not that great at it myself so I just tell people how I thought I sounded and if it flowed.
Clearly you are no challenge, you sounded much like Twilight but that's what worries me. I was about to get my copy of the book and see if you copied anything. But I know you didn't.
So what I was thinking is that try to get your own tone. You sound so much like SM and that could get you into some trouble.
But don't listen to me, because this is fantastic.
Keep it up and you'll have something worth publishing.
Wow, I'm shocked, I can barley think of anything to say. Every time I think of this post I'm like . . . Wow, I wish I could write that good. I mean I think you captured Bella and Edward's personalities perfectly. I know it's hard sometimes to capture the perfect emotion of characters on how they feel, but I think you did a fantastic job. And you also were able to show Edwards emotions very well too, which is always something I find hard to do. I think it's wonderful that you can show good emotion not only for the main character but also the supporting character.
I liked how you told us to picture them. I can just see Bella's hands in Edward's and his deep hypnotizing eyes. I can't turn down any Twilight story. I love how everybody comes up with different scenes with Bella and Edward. I just read one the other day about them getting married.
I think you did really well.
Keep Writing!
This was very good. I really want to hear what happens next! You used a very excellent vocabulary! I like how you really got the personalities down in to the story. Many authors on this website forget to do that in fanfiction, and you did it, let alone excell! But you did 2 things wrong 1. Twilight is the most horrid thing of the twenty first century let alone of the history of the world! 2. TOO SHORT But it was very very very excellent! Keep up the good work (and choose a new subject)
Wow, That Is Wonderful! *Applaudes* I Love it. You did a Wonderful job. Well thats my opinion. I love Twilight. I really like your story.
It was really neat and brilant!
You must be a Twiheart fan to write this good
I agree! This is written very closely to the book. Liked it a lot.
Really nice. I liked the suspense, though I don't feel you really captured Bella and Edward's characters. It's not a big deal, the only person who can really do that is the actual author. Anyways, it makes me wonder why Bella would leave Edward...ever. I mean. Stephenie Meyer made it very clear that she loves Edward more than life itself. Is Edwards life going to be in danger and that's why Bella would have to leave him? If that's the case, it makes total sense. I can't see it happening if that's not the reason, though.
Very intriguing. I'd read the next chapter if you made one. If you do, feel free to PM me.
Ciao baby,
Dreamworx95,
XOXO
“I’m afraid of you leaving me.” He whispered it ever so softly that I almost didn’t hear. Almost didn’t.
My sadness quickly turned to anger. “Why would you even say that?” I said.
Silence again.
“Alice.”
This time I gasped, flinched, winced and clapped my hand to my mouth.
“You m-mean…she saw?”
“Yes.”
“No, ” I shook my head. It can’t be true. No. Never.
Edward looked at me. I almost cried when I saw pain in his eyes.
“Edward,” I said. “You are the reason I live. You are the reason I breathe, the reason I sleep. The reason I get up in the morning. You are the reason my heart beats. Without you, I am nothing. Do you understand? Nothing. I was put in the World for one purpose. You”
Edward winced. “Bella, don’t say that. How can you love me so much? How can anyone love me so much?”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I put my face on his so my forehead was touching his. I closed my eyes.
My hands shook, but I didn’t remove them from Edward’ head.
I couldn’t see the clock in the room, as it was so dark but I knew Alice would be coming to pick us up soon.
Without hesitating, I spoke.
“May my breath find shelter in your heart, “ I said. “May my life be destroyed in your love.”
Edward gasped and looked up.
I slowly put his hand on my heart. “I love you more than you know Edward. Please believe and never forget.”
A car honked outside. Alice was here.
>another fanfic..
>i'm not that interested in twilight, you know..
>in this case, i just noticed some redondent words..try to eliminate them.
>and i love those people who change things how they were supposed to be..keep it up.
__________________________
i just want the world to know that
i exist and i am just around.
i just want the world to know that
i can make a sound of his old life.
Review some works before you post more. The accepted ratio is 2 reviews to 1 post
I liked this one. Really, I do. Well done, you've really captured the characters. One tiny, tiny problem.
"His sweet breath tickled on my skin."
I could, possibly be wrong, but to me it would sound better if this said:
"His sweet breath tickled my skin"
If I'm wrong, I apologise, but I think it would sound better.
Well done though!
Very nice!
The emotions, the hurt feelings from both Bella and Edward, were very real to me.
You have a great conflict going on too. I'm dying to know why Alice would see that and how it could possibly happen. I mean, Bella's certain. So is there some outside force that will cause Bella to leave no matter how much she wants to stay?
I'm eager to read more. Let me know if there's ever more to see!
Wow. I really liked that!
That is wicket cool.
I loved twilight but I just feel like the books are too freaking popular now. It sucks. If you liked her books you should read the vampire diaries by L.J. Smith. Or Smith's night world book.
But I really liked this.
PM me when you write more! I wanna know how it will turn out!
-Jess
Well, well, well. Another TwiFanfic.
Now, I'm going to try and not be biased, because if there's one book I dislike above all else, or one author, it would be Twilight, and Steph Meyer.
She destroys the very ground rules of actual vampires. She looks an utter fool, trying to make a dead person fall in love, and smears some thick cliche icing over everything.
Anyhow, enough ranting.
I didn't see any major punctuation/spelling mistakes. I think these would be more potent if it wasn't Ella and Bedward - Yes, that was on purpose. It's extremely true, if you think about it - but even so, the idea, if slightly sappy, was well-written and wrapped up great. I think if you wrote any original Romance it would rock, but with Bedward here, it's well-madeness pales considerably.
Anyhow, good luck with your writing, and I hope you find yourself soon somewhere very, very far away from the vampire-destroyer, Miz Meyer. Find your style, find your characters!
Yes, yes. So long, fellowriter.
-SELA
Wow!
I couldn't believe how well you captured Stephenie Meyer's style! You have a really good grasp on the character's, too.
I could imagine that very scene being in Twilight itself. Wonderful, but sort of sad at the same time. Did you continue this? Why would Alice see Bella leaving?
I love your romantic declarations of love, by the way. If some guy told me that, I'd melt. Well, okay, I'd probably think they were cheesy in real life, but they're great in your story.
Anyway, as I said before, what impressed me the most was the way you captured Steph Meyer's smooth, easy-reading tone. Good job.
Yours ever,
MademoiselleKool
You wrote this very nicely; it was very easy to feel how hurt Bella was by this and how it hurt Edward too. The only thing I was wondering was, how did Alice see Bella leaving Edward if she's so sure of her path now? The way you describe it, Bella's as surprised as Edward, but she wouldn't be, since Alice saw it... because in the Twilight novels, Alice is always saying that Bella's sure of her course so she sees Edward and her together. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense and feel free to PM me if I wasn't that clear.
But when you do submit more of this, please PM me I'm very interested on how this will turn out.
~Dommy