Thirst_23 wrote:We know it's an accident. That's why you post stuff here, so others will review, and help you spot these things.
hehehe! Thanks! =D *huggles*
z
Chapter Three
Tea Party from Hell
I woke up one morning to nothing in my bed. Pink wasn’t there and I started to panic. Something could have happened; for instance the maids could have kidnapped her and beaten on her. Or worse, they could have gotten my father in on it. I jumped out of bed and checked my room first; there was nothing, no one. I then ran out of my room to the hallway and ran into one of the maids.
“Mornin’ Lady Kimiko.” She greeted me.
“Have you seen Pink?!”
“Uh--no ma’am, I-I have not…”
“Kay, thanks!”
Every maid--even Daniel-- acted like that when I mentioned Pink. I looked in every room, getting weird looks from all the servants either cleaning or doing other chores.
“Daddy!” I screamed as I entered the throne room; bad timing too. A Royal meeting was going on, I wasn’t sure of what but I noticed the general was there, so I know it was something serious.
“Yes, Kiki?”
Despite my rudeness, my father had addressed me by my nickname that he gave me when I was younger. Usually when I interrupt, he’d address me by Kimiko, or sometimes when I really make him angry it’s Kimiko Dae; he throws in my middle name just to let me know.
“Sorry, Father…” I bowed. “But, have you seen Pink anywhere?”
“Oh, do you mean that little girl with oddly pink hair?” the General had asked me as he snickered a bit.
“Yes, sir, that is her.”
“I saw her in the garden right outside when I arrived.”
“Thanks so much, sir!” I bowed first to the General, then to my father, “I am sorry, father.” And I left the room as quickly as I could.
Out the front doors and into the huge rose garden is where I saw the back of a pink haired little girl sitting down in front of one of the white rose bushes. It felt as though a huge brick was lifted off my heart as I saw her. I sighed in relief while I ran over towards her.
“Pink! Don’t ever run off like that ever again!” I wrapped her up in my arms from behind in a huge hug.
She didn’t say anything; she didn’t even look up at me to smile. I looked over at her face, which was bearing a look of sorrow and then I looked down to a bloody mess in her lap. I gasped a bit; the mess looked like one of the maid’s cats that roam the garden and I assumed that Pink just tried to play with it, like any nine year old girl would, though she was a bit rough.
“P-Pink…what…what is that!?”
“A kitty.” She stated sadly. “He died on me.”
“C-c’mon Pink, let’s go clean you up.”
After Pink’s bath I had gotten word that I was invited to my cousin’s little tea party. She had one almost every month and I dreaded each time I was forced (by my father) to go. I just couldn’t stand the girl, she was snobby and loved to boss everyone around; including me. She couldn’t quite understand why anything she tried to make me do didn’t happen, which made me think she was stupid as well. She went by the name of Sophia; her father was the older brother of my father. For some odd reason Uncle Avis stepped down and allowed my father to take the throne and Aunt Avila, his wife, did not protest.
I dressed Pink in a satin silver dress. It was one of mine when I was her age and I loved it. It looked gorgeous on her, silver and her long pink hair went perfect together. With its flowy lacey sleeves and elegant embroidered designs, Pink looked gorgeous in it.
“Kimi! I don’t wanna wear this!”
“Hm? Why not, sweetie?”
“I don’t want to ruin it! It’s too pretty for me to ruin it!”
I just couldn’t help but laugh. This adorable little girl was worried about ruining a dress, an expensive dress of course.
“Sweetie, you won’t ruin it, promise!” I gave her a reassuring smile which sort of worked, I hoped.
I, myself, wore one of my favorite emerald dresses. I snickered with every piece the maid help put on. Only for the simple fact that I knew Sophia loved this dress. But of course, it had a gorgeous corset which my very well developed breasts looked great in. Sophia could never wear anything like this and make it look good, she had no breasts and she knew this. This particular dress had a white under dress which has an almost off-the-shoulder boat neckline and it sloped into a V neckline in the back. Both necklines in the front and the back ended right below my corset and they were rolled twice forming bands around my shoulders. The sleeves of my dress was fitted just until above my elbow where it had silver bands around my arm causing it to puff, this was repeated around my wrists and then the rest of my sleeves were long and flowy.
My corset was connected with my emerald over dress. This ground-length princess seamed dress was of a gorgeous emerald silk embroidered with silver flowers. It was laced up in the back while in the front it was hooked but not quite all the way for it forms a V and the closure stops at my hips while it opens revealing my white under dress. My emerald over dress was trimmed with silver matching the bands around my arms and wrists. I watched Pink look at me in awe in the mirror as I set a matching emerald necklace and earrings set on. I smiled while walking over to my huge closet filled with my jewelry. I found my grandmother’s pink necklace and set it around Pink’s neck. She gasped and twirled around to look up at me. She gave me another worried look as she fingered the pink jewels while I gave her another reassuring smile.
I then started on Pink’s hair for it was so long that something had to be done with it. I brushed it out and put a thick braid in it. As I finished twirling the braid upon Pink’s head and securely fastening it, she quickly set the silver berets that I gave her in her hair and acted like she didn’t do a thing. I laughed a bit. She must have thought I didn’t want them in there, though I could care less.
“Whose party are we going to, Kimi?” she had asked me.
“Her name is Sophia, she’s my cousin.” I sighed heavily. “Pink, she’s a very nasty person, do not believe anything she tells you; she’s always full of lies. I hate her.”
“Then, why are we going?”
“Daddy makes me every month she has this stupid party.”
“Oh. But Kimi, if she’s a mean girl then why does she deserve a party?”
I laughed a bit. “That’s what spoiled little high-class girls get. You and I, however get whatever we want without a fuss.” I kissed her cheek. “Just remember she is a bad person. It is something you should never become, okay?”
“Okay!”
I had heard my father yell to tell me that I was going to be late. I held Pink’s hand all the way down to the carriage and helped her inside, she didn’t trust anyone else. On the way to Sophia’s huge mansion, Pink had talked and talked. She asked questions about anything and everything that came to mind. There was one question that blew my mind:
“Kimi, what’s it like to have a daddy?”
I went quiet; I just didn’t know what to say to this question. I stared at her with a look of pity, I am sure.
“Well, it’s nice since he loves me. He’s a great father.”
“Oh, he--he loves you?! Does that mean I shouldn’t come into his territory!?”
I laughed. “No, no Pink, you’re allowed to love me as I’m allowed to love you. I love my father as well, but it’s a different kind of love.”
“Oh, okay.”
The carriage had stopped; we were in front of Uncle Avis’ elegant mansion. Outside had an elegant staircase leading to the front door and around the front of the house were red rose bushes. In the huge windows you could see the staircase on either side of the door and thru the window on the front door the gorgeous chandelier was visible. Those front doors were swung open and my cousin emerged. With her black curls surrounding her heart shaped face. Her unusual yellow eyes stood out from all of her other features; those eyes always made her look so evil. I hated how petite this girl was. It always looked as though she never ate, even if she did. This girl didn’t have breasts like I did, and just couldn’t make a corset look good. She wore an ugly color of yellow on her huge long dress. It also had a corset (though I wish she wouldn’t wear them) and was embroidered with what looked like birds. I kept thinking ‘Birds? What the hell?’ since I knew she wasn’t a nature lover at all. There was only one thing she loved and that was herself.
“Kiki!” Sophia had greeted me, giving me a hug as soon as I stepped out of the carriage.
I hated it when she called me Kiki even if she is family.
“How many times have I told you?” I sighed. “You do not call me ‘Kiki’, it is Lady Kimiko especially to you.” I sneered.
“Whatever. Who’s this?” She had asked, turning her attention to Pink. “What an ugly color of hair! And those eyes…she’s scary.”
I glared. “This is Pink and you will not speak to her that way. In fact, I don’t want you talking to her at all unless she speaks to you first, got it?”
“Oh, you wore that dress, huh?” Sophia had forced that trademark fake smile on her face as she acknowledged what I was wearing.
I smirked evilly at her, “Well of course Sophie, you know this is my favorite dress my dear!”
“Lady Kimiko!” Miranda, Sophia’s best friend and right hand-woman came out the door. Her straight blonde hair was pulled back in a very neat bun. Her cold ice blue eyes glared down at Pink as soon as she saw her. Miranda wore an ice blue dress with elegant designs that I was unsure what they were; but they looked like vines. Her body type was almost like Sophia although Miranda had a bit more meat on her.
“Who is this lovely girl?” She had asked in a very sarcastic tone.
“This is Pink.”
“Oh, that’s nice.”
We headed inside of Uncle Avis’ mansion. The entrance hallway was elegant with its chandeliers and two-sided staircases. Sophia led us to the huge dining room which had a long table surrounded by chairs and other friends. Some of which I knew hated Sophia, Miranda and Deidra. Deidra was the other girl who ran around with Sophia. Those particular girls who hated the three were actually my friends. The huge chair at one of the ends of the table was for me. I had Pink sit in the chair next to me as I noticed that Einin on the other side of me. With her bright red curly hair and green eyes, she smiled at me and I returned it. Einin was a good friend of mine; she was like an older sister. Einin was four years older than me.
“Hey Kiki!” She whispered. “Who’s the adorable girl?”
“Pink.” I whispered back.
“She’s cute!”
“Thanks!”
“Kimi?”
“Yes?” I turned my attention to Pink.
“Who’s that?” She asked, pointing to Einin.
“A very good friend of mine, Einin.”
“Lady Kimiko, please shut your girl up, I need to talk.”
“Excuse me? You will not boss your Princess around, Sophia!”
She ignored me, again. She always thinks she can boss me around. Sophia began talking about herself and her problems. This went on for about thirty minutes until the tea came for us, but even then she just would not shut her mouth to allow other people talk. It was always about her and her only.
“Anyway,” Sophia continued. “I told her she had…”
“OWIE!” Pink’s voice rang out, interrupting Sophia.
“Shhh…it’s okay Pink…” I had asked the maid for some ice.
“But Kimi…it burned!”
“Well, the tea is hot, sweetie. I told you to blow on it…”
“Kimiko didn’t I…”
“Shut your mouth, Sophia. You will not boss your Princess around.” I bit my lip to stop me from insulting her.
She glared at me; which made me smile each and every time since I knew that she knew she couldn’t possibly do anything irrational to me. The maid had come back with a bowl of ice for Pink and I thanked her.
“Pink set this on your tongue.” I stated and handed her a piece.
“Kimi, it’s cold.”
“I know sweetie, but it’ll help.” I set a couple of pieces of ice in her cup of tea while she took the ice from my hand and set it on her tongue.
Dinner was next, only about an hour away. We had chicken breasts, rice and corn. Blocks of cheese were set to the side since we had some wine to drink. I took a sip of my wine and set the glass down. I had to sit there and try to give my attention to Sophia, it was quite boring talking about her and only her. I went for my glass of wine only to find it in Pink’s hands. My glass was full when I set it down just a few moments ago; I stared as Pink took the last gulp of the wine and set the glass down in front of her. I couldn’t help but stare in amazement and laugh a bit.
“Wow that girl can drink!”
I turned my head and noticed everyone was ignoring Sophia and turned their attention on Pink and I. I laughed again at the comment a girl stated. It was sad that I did not know this girl, but she seemed to be one of the ones who liked Sophia, so I wasn’t interested.
“So, Lady Kimiko, where on Earth did you find Pink?” The same girl had asked.
“It’s a long story.”
“Please do tell!” Einin stated.
So I began telling the story of Pink and where I found the poor thing. I decided to leave out her unusual powers and keep it to myself. Pink smiled a bit and giggled. Somehow I just knew she was so thankful for what I had done. I smiled and went silent after I had told them when Pink arrived at my castle. I saw the look on Sophia’s face. I felt as though she was going to jump onto the table, run at me and stab me with a knife.
“Haven’t I told you not to talk?” She asked rudely, with a sneer between her gritted teeth.
“Why are you such a bitch my dear cousin? Your mother is so kind hearted!”
“At least my mother is here with me and didn’t leave me!”
I fell silent and I felt my anger rising. My heart started racing, my blood pulsing thru my veins. I bit my lip trying not to either yell, beat the shit out of her or either cry.
“What’s wrong, Kiki? Cat got your tongue?”
“Don’t you dare invite me ever again to this shitty tea party of yours. I’m tired of you, you ,you and you! It’s all about you! You’re a conceited bitch who just needs to realize that you’re not beautiful and will NEVER get my throne!” I stood up in a hurry, my hands crunched into a fist. “C’mon Pink, let’s go!”
Pink and I started walking towards the door to leave when Sophia’s next words stopped me again.
“Your mother was too busy to deal with her Elf crap, my dear cousin. She couldn’t stand to live with us humans; you know that, don’t you?”
They were lies. I knew this. My father always told me that there was something going on in her own kingdom that she just had to take care of. Sure, it was taking her about thirteen years, but I am sure that she will return to see me again.
“She was nothing but a vile woman, who never cared for anyone but herself. Elves are a race that should have never been created in this world. And what makes it worse, is that you are half elf, half human, Kiki…an imperfect soul that should have never gotten that throne!” Her footsteps could be heard walking towards me, I couldn’t help myself but turned to glare at her.
“Do not talk about the Elvin race that way! You’re just jealous cause we’re more beautiful than you will ever become!”
Sophia reached over and slapped me across the face. I heard everyone gasp and the moving of chairs which made me think that at least Einin and the rest of my friends where standing up to defend me.
I was looking down away from her. I swear if I had some kind of weapon, I would have killed her. I looked over at Pink glaring up at Sophia who (I guessed) was smirking evilly down at me rubbing my cheek.
“I’m more beautiful than anything else in the world!” She stated very proudly.
I watched Pink growl and punch Sophia in the stomach. I gasped and stood up straight as Sophia leaned over to hold her stomach just enough for Pink to reach up with her leg to kick her in the face. I grabbed Pink before she did any more damage.
“You’re the ugliest thing that ever walked on this planet!” Pink stated loudly. “You’re a vile bitch that will never talk to my Kimi that way ever again!”
My heart raced as I looked over to find my Aunt and Uncle had just walked into the room. My aunt had the exact same hair as Sophia, my Uncle’s hair was graying and his eyes were just as yellow as Sophia’s. I had no idea where she got her vile personality from since both my Aunt and Uncle were the nicest people in this house.
“Get that thing away from me! That monster!” Sophia screamed, pointing to Pink.
Pink had smirked evilly down at her on the floor. “Don’t ever talk to her again, or I’ll do worse things!”
“P-Pink, that’s enough honey…”
Sophia had a huge black eye, a bruise on her cheek and her hair was a mess. She hated her hair being in a mess. I laughed. I couldn’t help myself.
“We heard the whole conversation, my dear.” Aunt Avila stated calmly. “I don’t know how many times I have told her not to treat you in that manner.”
“It’s okay Aunt Avila. I’m going home. Come by sometime Einin.”
“Sure thing!”
I started to walk out of the room when I heard Einin state “I just can’t get enough of that adorable little girl!” I snickered and walked out of the front doors. I helped Pink up in the carriage and Liam had helped me into it. Liam was pretty much my right hand guard if that was what you wanted to call him; basically my very own bodyguard. His long shaggy brown hair was always gorgeous. His dark eyes always sparkled every time he greeted me.
“Kimi, what’s an Elf?” Pink had asked when the carriage had started moving.
I smiled and pulled back my hair to show my pointed Elf ears. I guess I forgot to mention that simple fact about me. My mother was an Elf from a forest a little ways from here. Pink had squealed and jumped onto my lap, straddling me.
“OH wow!!!” She started playing with my ears, pulling them lightly this way and that to see how they looked. “Kimi, these are cool!”
I laughed a bit and took in a deep breath only to let it out.
“Kimi, what’s a bitch?”
To this, I couldn’t help but laugh even more. The priceless look on her face was that of a complete little girl, unknown to the world. But then again, she really was unknown to the world, she was locked in a basement her whole life.
“If you don’t know what it means, then you shouldn’t say it.”
“Oh…but what is it?”
“A bad person like Sophia.”
Pink had yawned and snuggled up against me only to fall asleep on the way back home. I guess beating the living shit out of Sophia tired her out a bunch. I couldn’t help but kiss her on the forehead and start giggling, replaying the scene over and over again in my head.
Thirst_23 wrote:We know it's an accident. That's why you post stuff here, so others will review, and help you spot these things.
We know it's an accident. That's why you post stuff here, so others will review, and help you spot these things.
Thirst_23 wrote:I am a fan as well.
You use a lot of the same words over and over again. I recommend getting a good thesaurus. For instance, in describing the uncle's mansion, you use "elegant" at least four times, two of them within six words of each other.
This is a thesaurus listing for "elegant" off of Dictionary.com
I end up visiting Dictionary.com at least once a writing session because of this very thing. Look at all the different ways you could write the sentence
"The entrance hallway was elegant with its chandeliers and two-sided staircases."
You could say
"The entrace was very august, with it's dangling chadeliers and two-sided staricases."
See how much more that shows us, instead of telling us? I know, I'm guilt of the same thing, but we learn by correcting each other, right?
K, see you.
I am a fan as well.
You use a lot of the same words over and over again. I recommend getting a good thesaurus. For instance, in describing the uncle's mansion, you use "elegant" at least four times, two of them within six words of each other.
This is a thesaurus listing for "elegant" off of Dictionary.com
elegant
affected, appropriate, apt, aristocratic, artistic, august, chic, choice, classic, clever, comely, courtly, cultivated, cultured, dainty, delicate, dignified, effective, exquisite, fancy, fashionable, fine, genteel, graceful, grand, handsome, ingenious, luxurious, majestic, modish, neat, nice, noble, opulent, ornamented, ornate, ostentatious, overdone, polished, rare, recherché, refined, rich, select, simple, stately, stuffy, stylish, stylized, sumptuous, superior, turgid, well-bred
I end up visiting Dictionary.com at least once a writing session because of this very thing. Look at all the different ways you could write the sentence
"The entrance hallway was elegant with its chandeliers and two-sided staircases."
You could say
"The entrace was very august, with it's dangling chadeliers and two-sided staricases."
See how much more that shows us, instead of telling us? I know, I'm guilt of the same thing, but we learn by correcting each other, right?
K, see you.
RubinLikes2Write wrote:hahaha omg i love Pink and Kiki!!! Ha!! I was cracking up when Pink beat Sophie up!!! I could totally picture that in my head! Very nice job!
I liked this story from the start and with each new chapter I'm liking the characters more and more! PM me when the next chapters up! I'm already becoming a fan!
Heya! I'm back!
This is a rather long piece so I'm sure I missed some things.
I then ran out of my room to the hallway and ran into one of the maids.
“Kay, thanks!”
Every maid--even Daniel-- acted like that when I mentioned Pink.
I looked in every room, getting weird looks from all the servants either cleaning or doing other chores.
And I left the room as quickly as I could.
Out the front doors and into the huge rose garden is where I saw the back of a pink haired little girl sitting down in front of one of the white rose bushes.
A Royal meeting was going on, I wasn’t sure of what but I noticed the general was there, so I know it was something serious.
“Oh, do you mean that little girl with oddly pink hair?” the General had asked me as he snickered a bit.
I sighed in relief while I ran over towards her.
I wrapped her up in my arms from behind in a huge hug.
I looked over at her face, which was bearing a look of sorrow and then I looked down to a bloody mess in her lap.
.I gasped a bit; the mess looked like one of the maid’s cats that roam the garden and I assumed that Pink just tried to play with it, like any nine year old girl would, though she was a bit rough
She stated sadly.
After Pink’s bath I had gotten word that I was invited to my cousin’s little tea party.
.She had one almost every month and I dreaded each time I was forced (by my father) to go
I just couldn’t stand the girl, she was snobby and loved to boss everyone around; including me.
She couldn’t quite understand why anything she tried to make me do didn’t happen, which made me think she was stupid as well.
“Whose party are we going to, Kimi?” she had asked me.
“Her name is Sophia, she’s my cousin.” I sighed heavily.
“Daddy makes me every month she has this stupid party.”
I laughed a bit.
I went quiet; I just didn’t know what to say to this question.
I had heard my father yell to tell me that I was going to be late.
Those front doors were swung open and my cousin emerged. With her black curls surrounding her heart shaped face. Her unusual yellow eyes stood out from all of her other features; those eyes always made her look so evil. I hated how petite this girl was. It always looked as though she never ate, even if she did. This girl didn’t have breasts like I did, and just couldn’t make a corset look good. She wore an ugly color of yellow on her huge long dress. It also had a corset (though I wish she wouldn’t wear them) and was embroidered with what looked like birds. I kept thinking ‘Birds? What the hell?’ since I knew she wasn’t a nature lover at all. There was only one thing she loved and that was herself.
“Kiki!” Sophia had greeted me, giving me a hug as soon as I stepped out of the carriage.
I hated it when she called me Kiki even if she is family.
“How many times have I told you?” I sighed. “You do not call me ‘Kiki’, it is Lady Kimiko especially to you.” I sneered.
I smirked evilly at her, “Well of course Sophie, you know this is my favorite dress my dear!”
“Whatever. Who’s this?” She had asked, turning her attention to Pink. “What an ugly color of hair! And those eyes…she’s scary.”
“Who is this lovely girl?” She had asked in a very sarcastic tone.
“Hey Kiki!” She whispered. “Who’s the adorable girl?”
“Pink.” I whispered back.
“Who’s that?” She asked, pointing to Einin.
“Lady Kimiko, please shut your girl up, I need to talk.”
“Kimi?”
“Excuse me? You will not boss your Princess around, Sophia!”
“OWIE!” Pink’s voice rang out, interrupting Sophia.
“Shhh…it’s okay Pink…” I had asked the maid for some ice.
“Well, the tea is hot, sweetie. I told you to blow on it…”
“Kimiko didn’t I…”
She glared at me; which made me smile each and every time since I knew that she knew she couldn’t possibly do anything irrational to me.
Dinner was next, only about an hour away.
My glass was full when I set it down just a few moments ago; I stared as Pink took the last gulp of the wine and set the glass down in front of her.
“Wow that girl can drink!”
I turned my head and noticed everyone was ignoring Sophia and turned their attention on Pink and I.
I laughed again at the comment a girl stated.
It was sad that I did not know this girl, but she seemed to be one of the ones who liked Sophia, so I wasn’t interested.
“So, Lady Kimiko, where on Earth did you find Pink?” The same girl had asked.
.I decided to leave out her unusual powers and keep it to myself
My heart started racing, my blood pulsing thru my veins.
I bit my lip trying not to either yell, beat the shit out of her or either cry.
I’m tired of you, you ,you and you!
You’re a conceited bitch who just needs to realize that you’re not beautiful and will NEVER get my throne!”
Pink and I started walking towards the door to leave when Sophia’s next words stopped me again.
I heard everyone gasp and the moving of chairs which made me think that at least Einin and the rest of my friends where standing up to defend me.
My heart raced as I looked over to find my Aunt and Uncle had just walked into the room.
I laughed.
“We heard the whole conversation, my dear.” Aunt Avila stated calmly. “I don’t know how many times I have told her not to treat you in that manner.”
I started to walk out of the room when I heard Einin state “I just can’t get enough of that adorable little girl!”
.“Kimi, what’s an Elf?” Pink had asked when the carriage had started moving
Liam was pretty much my right hand guard if that was what you wanted to call him; basically my very own bodyguard.
I guess I forgot to mention that simple fact about me.
Pink had squealed and jumped onto my lap, straddling me.
"OH wow!!!”
I laughed a bit and took in a deep breath only to let it out.
Pink had yawned and snuggled up against me only to fall asleep on the way back home.
hahaha omg i love Pink and Kiki!!! Ha!! I was cracking up when Pink beat Sophie up!!! I could totally picture that in my head! Very nice job!
I liked this story from the start and with each new chapter I'm liking the characters more and more! PM me when the next chapters up! I'm already becoming a fan!
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