TheStormAroundMe

Hello! I come with brief advice. Your paragraphs are very large, so you might want to split them up a bit. I find it a bit tough to stay interested ...

Hello! I'm Grace! I'm here to review your poem. Okay, so I really like your title for this piece. It's awesome. "Nightmares Within A Daydream" sounds almost mystical, just like ...

I think leaving it as it is currently should work fine, but I'm not poetry expert. However, there are a few places where your word choice felt awkward such as ...

The hard part of having to post each chapter separately is that you have to get consistent readers looking out for your work or you will never get any more ...

I have no comment on the plot line at the moment, since I think it's pretty good for a first draft. What you need to work on now, I think, ...

This sounds a lot like poetry, even though you have specified that is a script. I'm confused. However, it really makes me want to listen to The Phoenix by Fall ...

I like this poem a lot, considering I have read Shakespeare's entire collected works and they sound a lot like this. Since I like it so much, though, there's going ...

Hmm... I wouldn't say that this is a poor attempt at poetry... but it does need some work. The rhyming is cute for a child's poem, but how would being ...

I love the arrangement of your lines at the beginning. It's almost like you're stepping lightly downward. However, in line seven, I would find a word to use instead of ...