Authors Note - Some small details might change throughout the story because I decided to add things or take away from the last chapters. Enjoy!
CHAPTER TWO
Heart pounding, legs pumping and breath gasping, Colm ran for his life through the busy streets of Kalka. He dared not to look behind him, for fear he would lose his concentration and end up getting caught. He could tell the King’s soldiers were close behind from all the yelling and cursing they were doing as they tried to push their way through all the people.
Colm couldn’t help but grin. If only they were smart enough to actually make this a challenge. Stealing is becoming so easy it is actually less fun than it used to be… he thought to himself as he ducked into an abandoned alley way and stopped for a breather, I miss the old days, when Captain Kilian was in charge…that was one man who didn’t give up so easily. It’s sad he was fired from his job for ‘aggressive behavior’. That’s what made him so good at his job. The Captain now is a sissy who doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. Colm couldn’t believe he was standing up for Captain Kilian after all the things he did to him, but in all truthfulness he did miss the man’s ways of doing things in the city. The people now are lazy and selfish, they cared nothing but getting paid and getting drunk, whereas with Captain Kilian in charge people were more upbeat and firm. Getting rid of Captain Kilian was the worst mistake King Arthur had made in his entire life, which was saying a lot.
Taking a deep breath, he continued down the alleyway slower than he was before, but still at a good speed. The alleyway looked like a dead end to anyone who didn’t know the city like the back of his hand, but Colm knew of an opening in the wood that he was small enough to climb through. Once he was on the other side he would be just outside the city and he would be free. To an unexperienced eye the piece of wood would look like nothing but to a professional thief it was freedom. At the end of the alleyway, Colm looked around to see if anyone had spotted him. Once he was satisfied he was not being watched, he shifted the piece of wood half-nailed to the wall and it revealed his opening. Colm slipped quickly into it without making a sound and then slid the piece of wood back into position.
Yes! He praised himself pompously. Another victory for the ‘The Leprechaun’! Captain Kilian had always referred to him as the ‘The Leprechaun’ since he was Irish, so the name kind of stuck. Colm did a quick Irish jig then turned and started for the forest that bordered the back of the city’s walls. A little ways in he would come across his horse Shadow, a giant blue roan battle horse who has been his companion through almost all of his life. Shadow was faster by far, than any other horse he had ever ridden and had gotten him out of more than his fair share of scrapes. Grinning from ear to ear, Colm slipped into the forest and disappeared from the castle’s view.
***
Colm had been riding for at least two hours before he saw the smoke rising from the small village of Riverford. Riverford was close enough to Kieran’s camp that Colm had no trouble sneaking out every now and again for a drink at the local tavern. A grin spread across Colm’s face at the thought of stopping for some drink at the tavern before joining Kieran and the group. They wouldn’t care if he came late or not, it wasn’t as if he had a time table. With a smug grin Colm reined his horse to the side and started for Riverford.
The small village of Riverford consisted of sixty people give-or-take, and an inn which also served as a tavern, mailing office and food store. Anyone who needed a smithy or anything of the like had an hour’s ride to Carlavan. Carlavan was larger town which housed all the other necessities one might need, things they couldn’t find in the smaller towns surrounding it. Shadow snorted in impatience as Colm slowed him to a walk when they entered the village. Colm grinned and bent over to pat Shadow’s neck, “It’s okay boy, you will be needed to run very soon if I play my cards right.” He said with a smug grin creeping onto his face at the unintended jest he had just made. Stopping Shadow before the Red Rose Inn, Colm dismounted and tied him to the post where two other horses were already tethered. “See mate, I even gave you some friends to chat with.” He said gesturing to the other two much smaller horses. Shadow flicked his ears in annoyance and Colm left him there and started for the tavern door.
The Red Rose Inn wasn’t overly crowded as Colm came in and settled at a corner in the back of the room. There were a few farmers and the occasional merchant having a couple drinks before heading back to their homes. Colm waved down a young waitress and ordered some whiskey to go with supper. She smiled sweetly at him and then strode off towards the kitchen. When she left Colm turned his attention from her to the table of men playing cards. He grinned mischievously as he planned to go and play when he was finished eating. It couldn’t hurt to win a few bucks, could it? If Kieran got angry with him he could just say he was getting the money for the group since they were low on cash. If Kieran didn’t find out, Colm wouldn’t volunteer the information for him.
A few minutes later the waitress appeared with his food and a whiskey. Colm thanked her and then winked, before he started into his food. The soup was good to fill his belly, but it lacked the yummy flavouring that he was used to from Belle’s food. The bread wasn’t fresh but it would do. At least it’s not stale, he thought to himself. When he had finished all of his food he picked up his cup of whiskey and started for the table of men playing cards. As he approached two looked up and motioned with their eyes to the other two, who had their backs to Colm, and they also turned.
“Mind if I sit in lads?” Colm asked, ignoring the suspicious eyes that were upon him.
The dark haired, unshaven man, who looked only a couple years older than himself sat on the opposite end of the table, eyeing him. It was as if he was trying to decide whether Colm was good enough to join them. Finally he spoke, “Ye have money to bet with, boy?” he asked gruffly.
Colm nodded, ignoring the man’s ignorant ‘boy’ “You think I would ask to join if I didn’t have any money?” he retorted.
The man closest to Colm chuckled, “He does have a point, Dastan.”
Dastan tensed his jaw and glared at the man who had just spoken. Without any more words Dastan nodded for Colm to take a seat, his face showing he clearly didn’t like being made fun of. Colm hid his grin and grabbed a seat from a different table.
The man who had spoken out to Dastan, smiled and gestured to the man beside him, “This is Kevin, beside him is Cole, and beside Cole is Dastan as you already know. Beside Dastan is Avery, and I’m Chohen.” Chohen said as he moved his chair to make room for Colm. “Brother to Cole, if you couldn’t already see the resemblance.” He added with a wink towards his twin brother.
Colm grinned and set his chair in between Chohen and Avery, “Thank you for the gift of your names,” he said using the proper manners, “I am called Colm.”
“Thank you for the gift of your name,” Chohen echoed his manners “Now shall we get down to playing?”
Colm grinned and set some coins on the table, “Be prepared to lose,” he boasted as everyone placed their bets.
***
Cole waited until the game had finished and Colm had gotten up and walked away with his winnings before he nodded to Chohen to follow him out the back way. The two excused themselves making some excuse about having to get back to tend to their animals, before Cole led him outside.
“Did you recognize him?” Cole asked Chohen as he shut the back door and started for their horses.
“Who are we talking about?” Chohen asked confused, his mind was in a different place.
Cole rolled his eyes as he untied and mounted his dark bay horse, “Colm!” he exclaimed in a high whisper.
Chohen mounted his own buckskin colored horse, “What about him?” he asked his brother.
“The man, Colm, he is on plenty of WANTED posters in the city! It says he is wanted for ‘Murder, Theft and Conspiring with outlaws. The promised reward is two hundred fifty gold!” Cole exclaimed as he followed Chohen’s horse.
Chohen turned in his saddle and faced his brother, “You’re not proposing we try take him on, are you?” he asked. Cole nodded a grin upon his face as he thought of what he could buy with his share of the gold. “You’re cracked.”
Cole nodded excitedly, “Think of what we could buy with two hundred fifty gold! You could have the farm you always wanted down there in the valley, and I could have my own land as well!”
Chohen shook his head, “You are cracked,” he said again, “Do you really think the two of us, with no army background, can take a man who is very experienced in the art of killing?”
Cole nodded, “Exactly, but we also have the element of surprise,” he winked, “The man wouldn’t even know we were coming.”
Chohen shook his head, “I want my farm badly, but not so badly I would get me and my brother killed over it, and that’s that. He may look like a doting fool but that Wanted poster is there for a reason.”
Cole shook his head in disgust, “Fine, if you’re such a coward I’ll find him and kill him myself.”
Chohen sighed and cursed himself for teaching his brother to be brave, “Just let it go Cole, before we both get killed.”
Cole glared at his brother’s back. Chohen will never understand my thirst for adventure. I’ll just go myself, I don’t need Chohen as a protector. He thought to himself as they rode. By the time they made it to their small shack that served as a home, Cole had already made up his mind to leave at first light.
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Is captain kilian hook? maybe you should put what Colm is thinking in italics.“It’s okay boy, you will be needed to run very soon if I play my cards right.” He said with a smug grin creeping onto his face at the unintended jest he had just made. instead of a period, a comma goes there because its he said, “It’s okay boy, you will be needed to run very soon if I play my cards right,” He said with a smug grin creeping onto his face at the unintended jest he had just made. Also you should make more smaller paragraphs, there kind of big. I love the unique names! How do you pronounce Chohen? I cant wait to find out who Colm is and what he does! (sry I posted this again!)
Its okay! Thank you so much and i appreciate your reviews and your interest in my story! (I love your avi *grins evilly* LEGOLAS!)
Chohen is pronounced Ko - en
Legolus is bae!!
Is captain kilian hook? maybe you should put what Colm is thinking in italics.“It’s okay boy, you will be needed to run very soon if I play my cards right.” He said with a smug grin creeping onto his face at the unintended jest he had just made. instead of a period, a comma goes there because its he said, “It’s okay boy, you will be needed to run very soon if I play my cards right,” He said with a smug grin creeping onto his face at the unintended jest he had just made. Also you should make more smaller paragraphs, there kind of big. I love the unique names! How do you pronounce Chohen? I cant wait to find out who Colm is and what he does!
Hi! I'm back to review the second chapter.
It's confusing here to tell which parts Colm is thinking and which parts are just the narration. To fix this, always put character thought in italics. The same thing needs fixing at the very end of the chapter, when Cole is thinking.
Colm, Cole, Chohen! Dang, so many C names! They're all very pretty and unique, though. <3
I'm surprised that Cole is the only man at the cards table who knows who Colm is and what the bounty on his head is. That Dastan might though, for all I know. He seems like he's going to reappear in the book sometime, sooner or later, as one of the bad guys. I like the character of Chohen: he's reasonable, polite, and simply wants to protect himself and his brother. Cole, on the other hand, seems to be a bit too thirsty for gold and a bit too confident in his own abilities. Especially since he's intent on killing the jolly "Leprechaun," Robin's friend (I think...), I don't trust him one bit.
You said you and your sister are writing this together, is that correct? You can always add her as a co-author if you'd wish.
This was a nice chapter, with good writing.
Thank you so much for your review. I was going to write this with my sister but we changed are minds. I am writing it alone :'(
Hello! I come with brief advice. Your paragraphs are very large, so you might want to split them up a bit. I find it a bit tough to stay interested through info-dumps.
Your names are pretty good, I think. This is one thing I usually address in my reviews, because bad names can be such a turn-off. Seriously, I can't stand to read books with generically named characters like John or Robert unless someone has recommended the book to me. Chohen, though I'm not sure how to pronounce it, is definitely unique enough for me.
Some of your punctuation was funky, but I'm sure with a second read-through you'll see all those mistakes. Also, when Cole is thinking, you might want to italicize his thoughts. I was really confused by the changing between first and third person.
Keep Writing!
-Grace
Thank you for your review! I appreciate it a lot!
Chohen is Irish and pronounced "Ko - en" <3