The Rich Witch

Oh my dearest sister....this is awesome!

The poem is definitely silly, but I like it. You've just made a mistake: In the first line, you say " Sometimes I WONDER", which is present tense. Then onwards, you write " Then I REMEMBERED" which is past tense. See? I suggest you edit it.

Mysticalxx

Hi FireBird99,

I love this poem no matter how silly it is. It might not be the most advanced or deep poem, but it certainly is good. Even simple poetry like this takes some talent to write. One suggestion I have is to make it a complete mirror of itself. So for the rhyming words at the end of each paragraph set them up like this: rich, witch, twitch, hitch, remembered, hitch, twitch, witch, rich. It might make the poem an even better first poem. But always remember this is your poem and you don't have to change anything if you don't want to.

Overall this is a wonderful and silly poem. It's the kind of poem I'm looking for when I go to the humor section. As always, keep writing.

-Incohesive Scribbles

Hello, Sista!

I like how you used four rhyme words, had one line to break it up, and then used the very same words again. It was an interesting out-look!

The ending made me smile. You wanted all these things, but then realized you had all of the bad things except for the one nice thing you mentioned; being rich! It also has a good morale to the poem....just because you are rich, doesn't mean you are snobbish, and just because you aren't rich, doesn't mean you aren't a witch! lol

Anyway, great job!

I like your honesty. It's nothing embarrassing though. Everyone's first poem is silly. But hey, remember poetic liberty! You can be silly in your portrayal of an idea. I have just one tip for you. Don't force rhymes into your poems. Just write it in one flow accumulating all your ideas and try to structure it while editing. Good luck

So, this poem has something that I haven't seen before and before you freak out its nothing bad. Based on the author's note and description I get the vibe that this is your first time writing a poem, and that's awesome. Everyone's got to start somewhere, so why not start by talking about a witch who isn't rich? I don't see any problem with that, so congrats on your first poetry item! I do have a couple of things to say about the poem itself. After all it is a review.

Just a few suggestions.

1. Why did you bold it? This is more of a question than an issue. In my opinion, bolding something adds a little extra meaning, but since you bolder it all I think that of you were going for something a little deeper it was missed because of the bold.

2. For your first poem I don't thin you look to deeply into formatting and punctuation, but I don't think that it would hurt to try and check it out. My suggestion is read through your poem and just ask random nitpicky questions such as "Does that belong here?" Just an idea.

Okay something's I liked.

1. It really short and sweet. Sometimes short poems attract a lot more people. I think that because of it's length more people will read it and be exposed to it. Just an insight.

2. I like the rhyming. Sometimes in poetry we don't see rhyming as much as we used to. I don't know if that's because of the more sophisticated approach orbit, but I really dig the rhyming. While it is repetitive it works.

Again, congrats on your first poem, and don't be embarrassed... Everyone starts somewhere.

Keep writing bro.

~ #41

well, as a first attempt it doesn't get much score but hard work could polish it up.
first of all you needn't have put the title in the poem again as it already shows at the top, you had done quite a many reviews so you might as well have known.
next don't ever start a poem by telling your flaws in your authors none. i suggest if you got to add it add at the last.
now stepping into your poem - it was silly but we get the message. to make it into a full course poetry you have to develop your thoughts. try this -
think you are that character you describe- think what she looks like, what she does, what she eats - her cons and flaws and again her better side [ is any as in this case i find none].
next you extract that parts of her you want to portray or highlight.
think of your message- develop your thoughts, feel your bliss or your pain when you write.
then sit with a pen and paper and open your mind to that blank space.
your poem as a whole can pass muster but i think following these steps would crown it with poetic ad junctions making it more artistic...
keep writing as i want to see you trying and doing better
Rituparna

*blinks*

Um... I guess I'm, um, reviewing this.

I think?

Maybe.

Anyway, I have three comments:

1. End of line 3, stanza 1 and end of line 2, stanza 1:

With an uncontrollable twitch.

In an unmistakable hitch,

Hey firebird! This'll be a short review, but I do have a couple of suggestions.

To begin with, I would split the first line in two, cutting it after "what" or "it". Next, I would substitute "to" in the 2nd line with "or" because currently it seems that wealth and being a witch are correlated, so adding "or" just makes it more clear to the audience. The last line of the first stanza is extremely confusing because the previous line ends in a period and this one ends in a comma, with no resolution. So I would get rid of the period in the 3rd line and end the stanza with a period instead of a comma.

For the second stanza I would also remove the comma from the first line and substitute the comma after "unmistakable hitch" with a period so that the final line can stand on its own, as it is the punch line of the poem.

That's all, I hope my review is helpful! I do enjoy the simple humor in it, it brought a smile to my face.

Where in the world did you come up with this?

Hi! I am Kyle, and I am not here to review your poem, cause I know nothing at all about poetry. Yes, your poem is silly, but I like it. Its why I like it, you could say. And the rhyming words just add to the musical tone of the poem. 'Rich', 'witch', 'twitch', 'hitch'- very clever, I think. And the second, that is the last stanza, just had me tumbling over the floor.

But just my opinion here, I think the 'to be rich' in the first line could be made a different line. I think it had flow better like that. Its just my opinion though, ignore it if you should. And I don't know if this is right either, but shouldn't the 'remember' in line one of the second stanza be 'remembered'? I thought the poem read in the past tense. I could be wrong again, so ignore if I am. I am no professional.

Anyway, I loved it. I enjoyed it very much.

Cheers
Kyle

Hmm... I wouldn't say that this is a poor attempt at poetry... but it does need some work. The rhyming is cute for a child's poem, but how would being rich allow you to act like a witch? Your first line also seems a bit out of place, considering how the rest of the poem has shorter lines that really click together nicely. And why, if you were rich, would you want to have an uncontrollable twitch or be in an unmistakable hitch? Just some questions. The poem itself is light and humorous, which is what you were going for, so I'd say this is a decent attempt at poetry and with a bit of work, you'll be amazing.