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The Phoenix

by 67DemonSlayer

Like a phoenix I shall rise,

far above that of my past,

I burned away the old memories with the fires of today. 

Though forever the memories shall remain,

the present its self is much more inviting. 

On fresh wings I fly higher than before, 

for now I realize that fear can be no more

.Because my friends I am phoenix and have now been reborn.

And I shall fly free for now and forever.

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58 Reviews

Points: 171
Reviews: 58

Tue May 19, 2015 8:34 pm
TheStormAroundMe wrote a review...

This sounds a lot like poetry, even though you have specified that is a script. I'm confused. However, it really makes me want to listen to The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy. No idea why.

Okay, so starting with the third line. If you burned the memories away in this line, how will they forever remain in the next line? I would probably say something about the burning leaving scars behind, but if you burned the memories then they no longer exist.

The present is more inviting than the past, but "fresh wings" sounds kind of awkward here. Maybe "with renewed strength" would work better.

These are just my thoughts; you don't have to heed them. Hope this helps!


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75 Reviews

Points: 1145
Reviews: 75

Mon May 18, 2015 10:01 am
sagnik wrote a review...

this poem is vry good one and i love he way u picked up the mythical character pheonix . i luv the creature and the technique u applied to represent it to raise of all the past and this ime fly over higher than the pevious time .the bird is also he lucky one to get a chance of taking another birth. congras on a good work.

Thank you :)

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