Like a phoenix I shall rise,
far above that of my past,
I burned away the old memories with the fires of today.
Though forever the memories shall remain,
the present its self is much more inviting.
On fresh wings I fly higher than before,
for now I realize that fear can be no more
.Because my friends I am phoenix and have now been reborn.
And I shall fly free for now and forever.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
This sounds a lot like poetry, even though you have specified that is a script. I'm confused. However, it really makes me want to listen to The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy. No idea why.
Okay, so starting with the third line. If you burned the memories away in this line, how will they forever remain in the next line? I would probably say something about the burning leaving scars behind, but if you burned the memories then they no longer exist.
The present is more inviting than the past, but "fresh wings" sounds kind of awkward here. Maybe "with renewed strength" would work better.
These are just my thoughts; you don't have to heed them. Hope this helps!
-Grace
this poem is vry good one and i love he way u picked up the mythical character pheonix . i luv the creature and the technique u applied to represent it to raise of all the past and this ime fly over higher than the pevious time .the bird is also he lucky one to get a chance of taking another birth. congras on a good work.
Thank you