Young Writers Society

This sounds a lot like poetry, even though you have specified that is a script. I'm confused. However, it really makes me want to listen to The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy. No idea why.

Okay, so starting with the third line. If you burned the memories away in this line, how will they forever remain in the next line? I would probably say something about the burning leaving scars behind, but if you burned the memories then they no longer exist.

The present is more inviting than the past, but "fresh wings" sounds kind of awkward here. Maybe "with renewed strength" would work better.

These are just my thoughts; you don't have to heed them. Hope this helps!

-Grace

this poem is vry good one and i love he way u picked up the mythical character pheonix . i luv the creature and the technique u applied to represent it to raise of all the past and this ime fly over higher than the pevious time .the bird is also he lucky one to get a chance of taking another birth. congras on a good work.