TheClosetKidnapper

Will do, buddy. I did mention the protagonist's name, but just once and it's a bit unclear, I agree. And it probably would have helped to say where everything was ...

Thank you so much! I wasn't sure about the punctuation, but I see what you mean now. : )

Thank you so much! I understand about how it comes off as selfish and will try and work on that. Thanks for your suggestions! : )

Thank you, and I know. I just have to wait.

Thank you! :)

Thank you! The third paragraph? It was just a telling of the thinking process the first Voltages went through when they realized that they weren't alone on the earth. They ...

Thank you! :D

Hey! Up&Out here as requested! Let me start off by saying that you have a great piece here. It's interesting and a bit mysterious. The only thing I could see ...

Thank you both so much! @Moonlight - I see now what you mean about the second to last stanza and understand that the numb part sounds a little weird. I'll ...

This is great. I like the whole freak/genetic mutation thing. I don't really see any errors or anything. Overall it's very well-written. Can't wait to read more!

This is amazing! One thing though, you have some rhyme starting in the second stanza but it's absent in the first. If you're going to rhyme, rhyme everywhere. Other than ...

This is great! I always wondered what would happen if he turned... You did a great job showing it!

This is great! I love how Jay truly stands up, not just for herself but for everyone, to Kathleen in this chapter! I can't wait to read the next one!

Hey, I personally liked the first one best. Good luck on your story! :)

Thank you all for your reviews. I tried to put them all to work and it ended up coming up as the edited version instead of a separate piece. So ...