Published November 29, 2011
Basically, I wrote some dialogue and am planning to write a story based on one. 
Tell me what you think! Please, if you have time. I tried not to make it too corny, but I probably did. :/
Dialogue 1
“Try not to mess this up.”
“Are you implying. . .”
“Yes, I am. Now go first, I’d rather you die than me.”
“Gee, thanks a bunch. What a great friend you are.”
“I’m not your friend.”
“Obviously. Well, there won’t be anything to lose if I mess this up then.”
“Only your life.”
“Other than that, idiot.”
“Go already!”
“Fine. Ahhh!”
“Oh pity, you didn’t die.”
“Your turn.”
“Ahhhh! OW!”
“. . . Are you alright?”
“I’ll give you this kid, you can jump farther than me.”
“Well, you do weigh about a billion pounds more than me.”
“It’s muscle.”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“This is why we’re not friends.”
“Why, because you can’t keep up with my superior intellect?”
“No, because you’re irritating.”
“Ditto.”
Dialogue 2
“Does this look ok?”
“No.”
“Thanks, you’re so helpful.”
“I know.”
“You’re irritating.”
“Are you going to try on the next one or not?”
“No, you’ll just tell me it doesn’t look good.”
“That’s what sisters are for.”
“I’d rather have a brother.”
“Brothers just tell you how ugly you are.”
“I’m ugly!?”
“No, that’s not what I mean, brothers say that.”
“And how would you know? We don’t have a brother.”
“I’m older, so I’m smarter.”
“I’m younger, so I’m better.”
“That’s not how it works.”
“Deal with it!”
Dialogue 3
“Don’t go.”
“I have to.”
“Please, honey, just wait five minutes, I’m sure she’ll come home.”
“I can’t wait that long, she’s my daughter!”
“She’s mine too, just wait, she’s resourceful.”
“Why don’t you look for her?”
“She’ll come back.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“How can you be so unsure?”
“I don’t know why I married you, you get on my nerves.”
“You love me.”
“I’m home!”
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,121 Literary Works • 673,028 Reviews
Hello there, Momo! Rose here!
These were all cute! I'm not sure whether or not I like the first or second one best; the third one is out of the running for me. It was slightly corny, and after reading the others, who weren't, I wasn't impressed by it.
I just reread the first one, and I've decided that it's definitely my favorite. I'm going to describe who I think's talking just to give you some insight into who I think your characters are.
First, the characters are probably both kids. I'm on the fence about the larger one; he might be a teenager or even a man in his twenties. They're probably not very young; in fact, I'd estimate that they're between the ages of 12 and 16, unless, like I said, the larger one is older. They're definitely not friends; perhaps something has happened to make it essential that they stick together.
The smaller of the two is definitely a brainiac, judging by his vocabulary. If the larger one is around the same age, then he's probably something of a bully; if he's in his twenties, then he's basically normal.
The parts with the screams are the only parts I'd suggest changing. I don't like the "Ahhhh"s. It's like describing a dog's bark as "bow wow". It doesn't feel fresh.
All in all, great work! Always keep writing!
-Rose
Hey, I personally liked the first one best.
Good luck on your story!
Hey there!
I liked all your dialogues, especially the second one.. All your dialogues are like arguments between two. Your characters must be like a Tom and Jerry
Anyways all the best for your story.. Keep writing