Tenyo

I love it! The strange title instantly made me curious. The poem is well written, and I especially liked the way you've brought the elements and troubles together. The concept ...

I love it! The rhythm in this is beautifully light. Apart from what has already been said, 'noting,' in the last verse should be 'nothing.' I would say you could ...

Short and sweet, but perhaps a little too short. Unfortunately formatting never works very well on yws unless you go into the reply screen, and I'm afraid I found it ...

This poem has a great start to it, but the second verse kills the rest. The repitition of 'like' carries on until half way through the second verse, which is ...

The 'yet' in the first paragraph seems slightly out of place. I think it's because of the punctuation. Giving the word its own clause makes it seem more important than ...

Hey there, welcome to YWS! I don't really understand what's going on here. I'm getting three different images of a forest scene, a colosseum and a pair of lovers. Unless ...

Hey Alpha " "Serena?” A voice called out to me. " - Try not to use the term 'a voice,' it makes it seem like just any random voice, which ...

First of all I'll tell you that despite being a huuuge fan of windwaker and its art myself, I'll look at this piece without bias. I really like your style ...

First thing; bulk. Unless the formatting has gone horribly wrong, this looks like three huge chunks of writing, which is quite intimidating. It also seems more like a story that ...

Hey there. You've got some good description in this, and you've created quite a strong image by holding nothing back. The whole thing is a little short, and even though ...

Hey there. I do like the idea behind the rhyme scheme, but it does seem a bit overwhelming at times. Some of them seem a little forced, and the rhythm ...

This doesn't make much sense... Here she lies night by night , Trying to continue with a knife in her back. < Continue... What? The truth and her conscience always ...

Is this the beginning? If this is the beginning it has a lot of potential. "The small boy held tightly onto his mothers side, clammy hands gripping the cotton poly ...

I kinda like it. I admit it needs work, but I do like the overall theme and idea. I do agree with crocks though, that first stanza needs to be ...

I really like your description, especially these lines; "...your words simultaneously Strip me of any confidence I have And ease my tumultuous thoughts." There's something kind of entrancing about you