Published August 30, 2009
I spread out my arms,
and I offer him my heart.
I promise to devote my life,
to doing the things he can’t.
I’ll never say he failed,
that would be an ugly lie.
I can’t take credit for this life,
I can’t even call it mine.
I refuse to take the bow,
for work that’s not my own.
See that boy with tattered clothes,
sleeping in the subway?
See that girl without her parents,
digging through the garbage?
See that man who’s mentally ill,
being escorted through the city?
See that woman who’s lost her family,
weeping in the graveyard?
The homeless need a home,
so that boy can sleep in peace.
The hunger need food,
so that girl can have a full stomach.
The ill need special treatment,
so that man can live life to the fullest.
Those who have lost someone need to be consoled,
so that woman knows everything going to be okay.
I cannot fulfill the lords every wish,
but I can fulfill my own.
It's a work in progress comments greatly appreciated =]
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140,586 Literary Works • 673,539 Reviews
dont really get it
This doesn't make much sense...
Here she lies night by night,
Trying to continue with a knife in her back. < Continue... What?
The truth and her conscience always clash.
It seems formed her is an evil alliance. << I can't work out what this is meant to be.
She watches as the conspiracy unfolds.
She only wishes to back in your legacy. << Maybe "to be back"?
Her solitary nights provoke her selfish habits.
She was never your companion only a diverse accessory. << "Diverse accessory?"
That girl that used to strut down Shallow Lane.
Now only wishes to escape to natures fresh rose mallow.
She lies on her stomach with a novel in her hand.
Her back up waiting patiently for another attack << What back up?
She cries to herself in harmony, << Can you get harmony from one sound?
With the angels and devils sitting on her shelf.
You mock her motivation to be so unlike the rest.
As an outsider myself I can’t see you frustration.
A lot of the lines don't fit together, maybe they are a bit vague, and sometimes the words are a bit off, like you have picked them right out of a thesaurus. You also seem to have made the reader an enemy, which is not a very good idea.
The whole thing is a little hard to understand, but I do like some of your thoughts; like how truth and concience can clash. Crying in harmony is an interesting idea too, I think if you work that with the next line about angels and devils there may be something good there.